Meet Lameway, The One Music Festival Gladys Berejiklian Won’t Want To Drive Out Of NSW

Over the last few months, the Gladys Berejiklian government’s long, brutal war on festivals has been drawing to a close.

But not because the NSW Premier has seen the error of her ways and has realised that hurting the cultural life of the state is literally the opposite of what anyone in a position of power should be doing. No, things are grinding to a halt because festivals are simply preparing to move out of the state.

Yep, all that pressure has gotten too much. Facing draconian taxes and regulations that the government refuse to budge on, some of the biggest events in the NSW cultural calendar are preparing to cut their losses and say goodbye. Laneway, Splendour In The Grass and Falls Festival are getting ready to pack their bags, if the government doesn’t involve them in legislation and cut them some goddamn slack.

But hey, all of those of you worried what will happen when the already culturally-strained NSW becomes actively barren need not get yourselves all twisted up. Mark Humphries of ABC’s 7:30 Report is here to introduce you to a brand new festival: Lameway.

Yep, Humphries has clocked that the only way to appeal to Berejiklian is to play straight into her interests. That means no Methyl Ethel — who wants a band with a drug reference right in their name? — no Chvrches — who wants a band with a random ‘v’ right in their name? — and absolutely no fun of literally any sort.

Instead, Lameway boasts such Berejiklian favourites as Illegal Strip Search, The Sniffer Dogs and Bag Raiders (not to be confused with the electronic duo of the same name.) Oh, and a whole load of police officers, led by hip and cool festival organiser Constable Wet Blanket.

Watch the whole outstanding — and frankly, fairly heartbreaking — sketch below.

A new music festival for the nanny state.pic.twitter.com/81hVU8cFVc

— Mark Humphries (@markhumphries) October 24, 2019