Junk Explained: How The Queensland Government Is Planning To Poop On Your Party

Talk to almost any Queensland resident, and you’ll likely hear about how they’re planning to move the hell out of the state, and soon. There are lots of reasons for this, ranging from the floods to the traffic on State Of Origin day, to the nightmare that is our public transport system, to the hellishly hot summers. The main reason, however, is Premier ‘Can Do’ Campbell Newman, and his ongoing reign of terror. Ask any recent transplant why they made the move down south, and his name is probably at the top of the list.

To many on the left, Newman is a boogeyman, who is responsible for every bad thing that happens in the state. People who were not yet born in the Joh Bjelke-Petersen era will happily tell you that the current government is a return to those bad old days. Still, when you look at his track record, from the sweeping public service job cuts to the hugely controversial anti-bikie legislation, it’s clear that, in his slightly-less-than-two-years in office, Newman has managed to piss off a fairly impressive array of people.

If Campbell Newman really is gunning for the title of ‘Most Unpopular Premier Ever’, then his crackdown on ‘out-of-control’ parties and the people who throw them might just be the legislative insanity that pushes him over the line.

A Little Party Never Hurt Nobody

In a bill that went before Queensland’s State Parliament last year, the full text of which can be read here, the government proposed amendments to the existing Police Powers and Responsibilities and Evidence Acts. The specific changes included hefty fines and possible jail time for the organisers of events deemed to be “out of control”. An “out-of-control event”, according to the bill, is an unlicensed event at which 12 or more persons are present, three or more of whom engage in out-of-control conduct.

For conduct to be considered “out-of-control”, a nearby person would have to reasonably fear violence or property damage as a result. Examples of ‘out-of-control’ conduct include using “offensive, obscene, indecent, abusive or threatening” language, taking part in a fight, making excessive noise, “wilfully exposing” genitals, obstructing the path of vehicles, lighting fires, setting off fireworks, being drunk in public, doing burn-outs and littering … or, as your average Queenslander likes to call it, “Friday night”.

Now sure, you might skim that list of things and say that most of them seem pretty reasonable. People in a civil society probably shouldn’t go around cursing at innocent kids, throwing punches, whipping their penises out in the street, doing burnouts, or standing in the way of people trying to do burnouts. Hell, in an era of ‘Facebook parties’, when thousands of unruly teenagers descend on suburban cul-de-sacs to raise hell, you might even think it’s about time for such a crackdown.

Everyone’s A Criminal

The problem with the amendments to Queensland law, however, is that they serve to make a criminal out of just about everybody in the state. Earlier this week, the Queensland Association of Independent Legal Services released a document explaining how the new police party powers could affect you, me, your grandma … pretty much anyone in a group of 12 people or more. They put forth several hypothetical scenarios under which the new laws could be applied. Just hypothetical, mind you, but still — eye-opening stuff.

They gave one example of a fairly tame suburban party, well short of the Corey Worthington-style blowout we hear about so often:

Cathy and Bruce agree that their daughter Sharon can have a sixteenth birthday party at their home, although only 20 of her friends can attend. Four of Sharon’s classmates, who Bruce considers ‘bad eggs’, turn up at the party, and Bruce prevents them from entering. They get angry and, as they are leaving, one of the boys (Macca) knocks over the letterboxes of Bruce’s next door neighbour. Police are called and two officers attend for an hour.

As Sharon’s parents, poor Cathy and Bruce are the organisers of this out-of-control event, and might face a fine of up to $12,100, or a year in prison. Macca faces the same penalties for destruction of the neighbour’s property … although the dude’s name is Macca so he was probably always going to be trouble.

Just for good measure, the document laid out another, more extreme scenario, wherein charitable groups might face jail time for trying to feed the homeless:

A regional Christian Fellowship attends a local park to provide food to people who sleep rough in the area. About 30 homeless people attend, including Rob (who is drunk). Two of the men begin arguing, and start to fight.

In this case, members of the church group have organised an event at which three or more people engaged in out-of-control conduct in a public space. Because they took no steps to prevent the event from becoming out-of-control, they now face fines of up to $18,150 or three years in prison. Yikes.

Is This All Just Alarmist Bullshit?

These hypothetical scenarios, while scary, do seem pretty far-fetched. Nobody is coming after your church group, and your aunty Cathy and uncle Bruce won’t see the inside of a prison cell if cousin Sharon’s birthday gets a little bit rowdy. Unless you and 500 of your closest friends are throwing bottles at police and assaulting ambulance workers – which actually happened recently at a party in Yeppoon – you probably don’t have too much to worry about.

The Queensland Parliament’s legal affairs and community safety committee endorsed the bill last year, with a number of caveats. Firstly, they recommended that the effectiveness of the new laws should be reviewed after two years. Secondly, they requested further clarification on the definition of the “reasonable steps” that can be taken to control or shut down an event — I guess because “hire a bouncer for your kid’s birthday party or go to prison” is kind of a scary prospect for a lot of people.

The real question is why these amendments are needed in the first place. Queensland already has laws on the books dealing with assaults, excessive noise, public drunkenness – pretty much all the offenses that can turn a regular event into an out-of-control one. Why put new legislation on top of the old? As with the recent shark-cull in W.A and the lockouts in NSW, easy political point-scoring is the only answer that really comes to mind. Something big and headline-grabbing to appease the voting masses.

The insanely harsh penalties for throwing an ‘out-of-control’ event are also a cause for serious concern. The QAILS’s hypothetical situations are far-fetched but, by the wording of the bill, each one of them could actually happen. Essentially, if the police don’t like the look of you, then your next party could very easily end in massive files and jail time. That’s some legitimately scary shit.

What Do We Do About It?

If you don’t care for Newman’s reforms, then — for now at least — it’s still possible to protest without being thrown in prison. Some have raised the question of whether the new laws might be used to suppress political dissent, squashing union marches and like. However, the fine print of the bill specifically states that such things as peaceful public assemblies, as well as events held for the purposes of political advocacy, protest or industrial action, are not within the “out-of-control” event scope. Awesome …I guess?

Another option is to vote for Clive Palmer at the next election, since his Palmer United Party have promised that if elected, they’ll repeal every law passed by the Newman Government. Also awesome …I guess?

You could just choose to keep your head down, shun social gatherings altogether, and become a shut-in, sitting on the couch eating peanut butter straight from the jar and watching TV. To be fair, that one actually does sound pretty awesome to me.

But if you’re really that fired up about it, you could up and move to Sydney or Melbourne. I hear that’s a popular option right now.

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Find out more about the Queensland laws here and here.

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Alasdair Duncan is an author, freelance writer and video game-lover who has had work published in Crikey, The Drum, The Brag, Beat, Rip It Up, The Music Network, Rave Magazine, AXN Cult and Star Observer.