TV

We Need To Talk About Jessica From ‘Love Is Blind’

From giving her dog wine and drinking out of the same glass to her very odd sexy baby voice, we really need to talk about Jessica.

love is blind jessica

Love Is Blind is the new Netflix dating show that has captured the world’s attention.

The dating show was created to test the theory of whether love is actually blind or if it comes down to appearances. This was achieved by having potential suitors pick their fiancé’s in just 10 days — based on conversation alone. Once engaged, the pair finally meet face-to-face, go on a honeymoon in Mexico, then return to Atlanta to live together for four weeks before deciding whether to actually tie the knot.

In what can only be described as a mix of The Circle and Married At First Sight, the new Netflix show is, at the very least, extremely entertaining. While the premise of the show is pretty wild, so far the experiment has proven that some real love connections can blossom in such a strange environment.

Take Lauren and Cameron, for example, who exchanged the words “I love you” after only three days of speaking. The pair continued to make audience’s hearts flutter as their bond only continued to strengthen as the series continued.

But that isn’t to say that all relationships could handle the pressure of an engagement at super speed. Controversial couple Diamond and Carlton had a huge blow up during their honeymoon over Carlton failing to disclose that he is a bisexual man. The fight was ugly and disrespectful on both sides, and ended with an engagement ring at the bottom of the pool and the couple not making it through the honeymoon stage together.

But then there’s Jessica, the 34-year-old working professional who most people talk about only as a single person, instead of in a couple. The highly successful woman with a long list of requirements for a partner, is easily the most tweeted about character from the show — and with good reason.

Jessica is the most baffling dating show character I’ve ever come across and I question where Netflix was able to find this mythical woman.

Jessica Is Just Constantly Sloshed

Let’s just talk about one of the most glaring obviously things about Jessica: She is rarely without a drink in her hand. While the whole idea of trying to find love through a social experiment likely warrants a drink or two, Jessica has shown her relationship with alcohol has been… not the best.

Take the very serious moment where Jessica was discussing her future with Mark. While chatting about the possibility of a prenup and a switch up on gender roles when it came time to having kids, Jessica let her dog drink out of her fuck-off huge glass of wine. As Mark pleaded to Jessica that he wasn’t trying to turn Jessica into his mother, she just casually let her dog sip on her wine, then went back to drinking out of the same glass like nothing happened.

Justifying her act, Jessica whispered “she loves wine” as Mark continued to pour out his heart.

Now beyond wine not even being good for dogs, Jessica’s dog “loving” wine implies this is a very regular thing that happens in her giant-ass home. But Mark didn’t even react to Jessica sharing her drink with an animal, so perhaps the pair actually are perfect for each other.

Another less-than-desirable moment of Jessica’s was when she got absolutely shitfaced at Barnett’s birthday. Despite the party being organised by Amber, Barnett’s fiancé, Jessica ignored her own man and hit on the visibly uncomfortable Barnett all night.

While walking down memory lane with Barnett, Jessica’s attempts to get Barnett to admit feelings for her was shut down quickly. Obviously upset with not getting what she wanted, she then picked a fight with Mark for complimenting her in the wrong way, despite literally spending all night flirting with another man.

A few days later, drink in hand again, Jessica vehemently denied ever having feelings for Barnett while he shared that Amber was uncomfortable with what Jessica had done at the party. “What? I’m mortified! How could he think I like him? Now she thinks I like him,” she said in a piece-to-camera.

Yes, Jessica. How could the man, who you have spent nine episodes talking about being in love with, ever think that you were in love with him despite you saying it time and time again? Crazy stuff!

It’s All About Age, Unless We’re Talking About Barnett

Now, Jessica being so obsessed with Barnett is truly baffling. If there’s one thing people will instantly know about Jessica is that she’s 34, and that she only dates older men.

In the very first episode of Love Is Blind, Jessica said that she’s had a rigid set of standards. “I would only date a guy between one to five years older, I would only date athletes but I’m 34 years old and I may not find someone based on the criteria I’ve placed on myself.”

And luckily for Jessica, on one of her first dates she finds Mark — a single man who is ready to start the family that Jessica so desperately wants. But the problem is Mark is 24, and even though he doesn’t care about the age difference in the slightest, Jessica does. The 10-year age gap becomes a huge problem throughout the relationship and is basically all that Jessica can talk about.

But honestly, Jessica just uses the 10 year age difference as a way to push herself away from Mark, who was never her first choice anyway. Jessica found herself in a love triangle with the show’s sweetest man, Mark, and the 27-year-old player, Barnett. After Mark declares his love for Jessica she rejects him for Barnett, but then Barnett unexpectedly rejects Jessica for both Amber and LC. As a result, Jessica comes crawling back to Mark who stupidly welcomes her with open arms.

Once Jessica and Mark get together, there is no love or passion between the pair. It’s only when Jessica gets to meet Barnett during the honeymoon that we see any happiness from her. Very obviously attracted to Barnett, Jessica uses any chance she has to declare her love for him, even though there is a huge age gap between them also. Despite Barnett being seven years her junior, Jessica never once mentions the difference in age and instead only talks about how great they’d be together.

Jessica even tries to use the age gap to make Mark’s family hate the idea of them getting married. But unfortunately for her, Mark’s family actually love the idea of him marrying an older woman as they’re more mature. This just digs Jessica deeper and deeper into a relationship she so clearly wants no part of. She even tells Barnett she isn’t ready to marry Mark, and she cries while trying on wedding dresses because it doesn’t feel right.

Even though all Jessica wants is a family, and Mark is willing to give her that, it feels like she is repulsed by the idea of him. Beyond calling Mark being emotional available a “red flag”, her body language when speaking to him screams distant and the pair are rarely touchy.

But when Jessica chats to Barnett she touches his arms and leans her entire body into their conversations. It begs the question of why Jessica stays on the show if she knows full-well that she doesn’t want the man she has and that the man she wants doesn’t want her at all.

Jessica Might Be 34, But Her Voice Isn’t

Let me repeat, like she does herself throughout the show, Jessica is 34. Yet, when she speaks to men on the show, her voice goes up about six octaves. As Vice points out the grating, high-pitched voice is Jessica’s attempt at the “sexy baby” voice. When you first see her in the pods, it’s very easy to just brush Jessica off as a valley girl — she’s blonde, she has blue eyes, and she tawlks wike thiwwws!

But as the show continues you find out that Jessica is from Illinois, not California, and that her real voice is a lot deeper than the voice she puts on for men. Into The Gloss defines baby voice as “a mix of high pitch, vocal fry, and up-talk”. It’s the type of voice you use to talk to babies and pets who you want to grab the attention of. However, Jessica changes her version of a baby voice and tries to make it sexier.

In her solo interviews, you can hear the insane difference between her normal voice and the sexy baby voice she switches on to talk to her fiancé. “I wuv hearing the waves crashing the beach, that’s like my favwite thing it the whole wowrld,” she says to Mark as they stand on the balcony in Mexico.

While Jessica usually reserves her normal voice for moments with the girls or when she’s doing interviews alone, Jessica has proven she can easily switch between the two at the drop of a hat. Following her massive fight with her husband after he didn’t compliment her the right way, Jessica thanks Mark for sticking around.

“Thanks for being so understanding,” Jessica says in a normal-pitched voice. “And stwill bewing here in the mowning,” she quickly switches to after a deep breath.

But honestly, Jessica’s ability to act all cutesy to attract men is actually kinda impressive. Not only is Jessica rich from hard work, successful in her career, and headstrong in what she wants, she clearly has some major control over her vocal cords. Plus she also owns a big house and a very cute dog — who may or may not have developed an alcohol problem thanks to their owner.

Love Is Blind is currently streaming on Netflix.