Culture

Jenny Slate Just Shared Every Weird, Wonderful Detail Of What It’s Like To Date Chris Evans

"He’s really vulnerable, and he’s really straightforward. He’s like primary colours. He’s the kid that likes P.E."

Jenny Slate

Early last year, comedian, dream best friend, and professional small shell with shoes on Jenny Slate had her face splashed all over the tabloids. It was a couple of months after her separation with husband and collaborator Dean Fleischer-Camp, and she was hanging out and holding hands with Chris Evans. Jenny “I pooped my pants on purpose” Slate was dating Captain America.

Though Slate is undeniably awesome in her own right and there was definitely a gross degree of “her?” going on in the media, many fans were excited about the news. Slate was living the dream. There is literally no better way to get over a big breakup than carting around the buffest, most bizarrely likeable, celebrated safeguard of humanity on your arm.

Unfortunately, after nine months of dating, the relationship ended earlier this year. The world went into mourning.

Now, Slate’s given us all the full account. In a comprehensive interview with Vulture, she’s laid out the past crazy year in her life (Evans and all) in incredible detail. The quotes are honest, touching, and totally enthralling. If you, like me, have always thought of Evans as some kind of giant lovey puppy dog, it really won’t dispel that impression at all.

“Chris is truly one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, to the point where sometimes I would look at him and it would kind of break my heart,” Slate said. “He’s really vulnerable, and he’s really straightforward. He’s like primary colours. He has beautiful, big, strong emotions, and he’s really sure of them. It’s just wonderful to be around. His heart is probably golden-coloured, if you could paint it.”

As an example of this pure molten joy, Slate noted that Evans was a huge fan of game nights and would organise “running charades” (??) each week for the cast and crew of their upcoming film Gifted.

“At first I was like, ‘What a fucking nightmare,’” Slate said. “Chris is a different speed than me — I think he really did just jump out of a plane for an interview. And so when he was like, ‘Game nights,’ I was like, ‘This is annoying. This guy’s like a sports guy. He’s the kid that likes P.E. He is a straight-up 35-year-old man who wants to play games. That’s it. I was like, ‘I’d better not discount this, because this is purity’.”

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Slate was obviously totally aware of the oft-noted differences between the pair and she felt unsure about it from the outset. “To be quite honest, I didn’t think I was his type,” she said. “Eventually, when it was like, Oh, you have these feelings for me?, I was looking around like, Is this a prank? I mean, I understand why I think I’m beautiful, but if you’ve had a certain lifestyle and I’m a very, very different type of person — I don’t want to be an experiment.”

“I’m considered some sort of alternative option, even though I know I’m a majorly vibrant sexual being.”

Though the pair have split and haven’t talked a whole lot since, the comedian notes she’s not necessarily on bad terms with Evans. “Last year was a giant, big year for my heart… I’d love to be his friend one day, but we threw down pretty hard. No regrets, though. Ever.”

What a legend. You should absolutely drop what you’re doing and read the full piece now.

Outside of the Evans stuff, Slate shares a lot of really beautiful insight into what it’s like to define yourself in the public eye, and then cosy up and piece together what remains in a proudly self-decorated one-bedroom apartment with a bichon frise named Reggie who pees on everything.

Ugh what NOW? This asshole always doing chill shit like this, making my mornings too cute. Fuck this old guy ❤

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Feature image via Jenny Slate/Instagram.