I hated my dream internship – and it was OK
In 2009 I decided to take a leap of ‘I have no work experience’ faith and jump on the internship train. Unlike my friends, I somehow managed to land my dream role: working with journalists at a major metro newspaper. I was ready to be a certified Professional Woman. All of a sudden, the door to a highly competitive industry was held open, and all I had to do was step through. There was one problem, though: I hated it.
Expectations vs reality
To be honest, I’m not sure what I was expecting journalism to be like. Maybe that I’d wow my bosses with an incredible investigative piece and be launched into Lisa Ling-levels of career fame. That one day I’d be sitting on Oprah’s couch saying, “The people deserved to know, Oprah. That’s why I dressed as a colonial woman to infiltrate the compound.”
Within five minutes of awkwardly pulling my skirt and twirling my pen, I realised the reality of my beloved profession: I would spend the majority of my nine-to-five day fact-checking. And if I wasn’t fact-checking, I was fact-receiving. Running from press conference to press conference and juggling microphones with determined political reporters suddenly seemed less glamorous than I thought it was. And though every journalist was lovely, their single-minded dedication as part of the constantly turning news cog terrified me. The industry was fast and ruthless, while I was slow and reflective. My expectations were too huge, and ruined too quickly.
The pre-quarter life crisis
Realising journalism wasn’t for me was my ‘holy shit what do I do?’ moment. Fast-forward a couple of weeks and I was officially in the midst of a pre-quarter life crisis, sitting in track pants binge-watching episodes of Glee. Every decision was suddenly in doubt. Did I even want to go to university? Was my dedication to Louis Theroux wasted?
It all boiled down to one thing: I didn’t know what I wanted. The career path I’d chosen at 10 years old had unexpectedly halted at a crossroads, and I had to decide in which direction to move. For the first time, I was actively participating in building my future. It was simultaneously the best and worst thing that could have happened.
No decision is set in stone
I began to make plans. I drew Venn diagrams and filled empty notebooks with pros and cons. Interning at the paper helped me understand the reality of being a journalist: you can spin stories all you want, but you can never write the unknown. I wanted to live in the unknown, and backed this up by deciding to undertake an ever-practical creative writing degree. And though there was no A-to-B career path, it gave me breathing room to make mistakes. No decisions are forever, and pretending they are limited my opportunities. Instead, I embraced flexibility and began to fall even more in love with writing.
It’s Alanis Morissette-levels of ironic that if I hadn’t landed my dream internship, I wouldn’t have known it wasn’t my dream at all. At this stage in your life, it’s more about finding out what you don’t want as opposed to what you do.
So don’t sweat it when things don’t work out how you planned. Hating my internship changed everything – and though I’m no closer to Oprah’s couch than I was before, everything turned out better than OK.
Sarah Mould
Sarah is a creative Honours student at the University of Technology, Sydney. She’s also a daggy dancer and denim enthusiast. You can tweet her @thesarahmould