Have you ever been sitting in a lecture on news writing at 2.30pm and realised you haven’t eaten since your sad, single banana breakfast eight hours ago? Then some bitch with perfect eyebrows pulls out an insta worthy #desksalad and swishes her hair, giggles and punches you in your sad hungry face???? Have you ever eaten a crusty cheese roll from Woolies that tastes like fridge and someone else’s flu???? And cried??? Because you’re so pathetic?!?!!?

I have done none of those things since I am the perfect image of health and wellness, but if I were to have eaten someone else’s cold chips out of the bin, these are the cold lunch ideas I wish I would’ve had. Lunches that are cheap, healthy, and don’t stink out the lecture theatre. These are those lunches.

(Pro-tip, if you leave a cheap cut of meat in the slow cooker on a Saturday night (me), you can sexy meat up any of these meals. Oh my god I am so boring.)

Pesto Pasta

Pesto is the most delicious thing in the entire world. If I could mould pesto into some form of a phallic instrument, I would have violent, screaming sex with pesto. You can blitz it in about five minutes, pop some red onion and cherry tomatoes in the heap and call yourself Martha Stewart.

Jar Salad

There is no better way to put on some active wear and feel superior to everyone else than by bringing a jar salad to uni. Pop your dressing in the bottom so everything doesn’t go soggy, layer your carbs, (noodles, rice, grain, whatever) protein (meat, tofu, fish) and vegies and then have a party. A jar salad party.

Wrap Stuff

Everything that tastes good in the fridge, in a wrap. You’re welcome.

Savoury Muffins

Savoury muffins can be made in xxxtreme bulk (like, 12), and keep super well in the freezer. Spinach and feta are good ones, but damn, cheese and diced ham are the business.

Cold Noodles

I feel like anyone who talks about soba noodles is super boring, so I won’t do that, but guys – it’s just like a daggy stir fry but better. (Better because you can eat in front of people you don’t like.)

Fried Rice

Anything rice is a bit of a funny one because one time I bought rice to a festival, ate it on the fourth day and gave myself food poisoning. Anyway. Perfect fried rice comes from the floppiest, saddest veggies in the crisper cooked to absolute filth in a frypan with some soy sauce (and maybe some sesame oil if you’re in a wacky mood) with an egg scrambled through. Carbs, proteins, irons and bits. Just don’t take to a festival, eat it on the fourth day and give yourself food poisoning.

Rice Paper Rolls

Literally the most instagrammable lunch that has ever instagrammed. With some vermicelli noodles and some imagination, you can put whatever you like in these suckers, including fruit for when you’re feeling naughty, you naughty fruit eating bitch.

Potato Salad

I get that your mum makes a hectic potato salad for Christmas with sour cream and ham and it’s disgusting, but you can make potato salad so fancy for so little, and it keeps forever. Put in loads of dill for a fishy one, or a bunch of turmeric for a Bombay one. I pack mine with pickles and radishes so I feel better about myself for eating pure mayonnaise and boiled potatoes for lunch.

(Lead image: Daniela Snow/Flickr CC)