Music

Every Hottest 100 Song Reviewed In Under 50 Words

'Dance Monkey': Never heard of it.

Hottest 100 2020 reviewed photo

Well, the Hottest 100 is done and dusted for another year, with Billie Eilish taking home top honours with ‘bad guy’ — for which she also just won a shit-tonne of Grammys.

If you didn’t managed to listen to the full countdown on the day, catching up can be daunting. Who has the time to sit through 100 songs? That’s literally in the hundreds of songs!

So we’ve made it easy for you by going through and reviewing each Hottest 100 2019 entry in under 50 words — if you like the sound of any of them, maybe kick off your Hottest 100 listening that way. Let’s get started.


100. Dune Rats — ‘No Plans’

I love how all these bands that purport to be slackers are actually self-starting, hard-working businessman who criss-cross the country, record frequently, and barely take a break.

99. Cosmo’s Midnight — ‘C.U.D.I. (Can U Dig It)’

This is a rhetorical question but that shouldn’t stop you from answering it in your head.

98. Baker Boy — ‘Meditjin’ (Feat. JessB)

I thought this was going to be a top ten this year.

97. San Cisco — ‘Skin’

The highest prime number in this countdown. The secretly feted spot among maths nerds.

96. Bring Me The Horizon — ‘Ludens’

Surely these dudes should have graduated to Double J by now?

95. Adrian Eagle — ‘A.O.K.’

This guy has the voice of an angel.

94. Allday — ‘Protection’

Remember Joel Turner and the Modern Day Poets?

93. Post Malone — ‘Wow.’

The most likeable dude with a face tattoo you’ll ever encounter. Unless you happened to fall under the spell of Charles Manson.

92. Client Liaison — ‘The Real Thing’

Not the Molly Meldrum produced psychedelic adventure. But pretty close.

91. Billie Eilish — ‘all the good girls go to hell’

The road to hell is paved with confused Mormons.

90. Skegss — ‘Here Comes Your Man’ (Like A Version)

I reckon they play this at all-ages gigs and pretend they wrote it.

89. Sampa the Great — ‘Final Form’

I love the boldness of declaring yourself ‘The Great’, like a conqueror of old.

88. Meduza x Becky Hill x Goodboys — ‘Lose Control’

“I know I can change the atmosphere” is quite the humblebrag.

87. Kanye West — ‘Follow God’

Spoiler: The calls from God were coming from within the house the entire time!

86. Slipknot — ‘Unsainted’

77.5 percent of votes in this year’s chart came from people under 30. The rest voted for this song.

85. Lana Del Rey — ‘Doin’ Time’

People with a Norman Rockwell Google alert would have had a tough and confusing 2019.

84. DOPE LEMON — ‘Hey You’

I’m beginning to suspect Angus Stone is one of those mad genius artist types — but I still don’t wanna listen to his tunes.

83. Alex Lahey — ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’ (Like A Version)

My Chemical Romance formed as a way to process the emotions of 9/11, which is the most emo way to start an emo band, I guess.

82. Peking Duk & Jack River — ‘Sugar’

I’m quite sure the cover art to this uses the same font as 5ive.

81. Flume — ‘Let You Know’ (Feat. London Grammar)

I predict Flume will still be charting in the Hottest 100 when he is 60.

80. Spacey Jane — ‘Good For You’

The falsetto note in the first chorus is perfection.

79. Dean Lewis — ‘Stay Awake’

Good advice for readers.

78. Thelma Plum — ‘Not Angry Anymore’

The only way Sticky Fingers will make this year’s countdown.

77. G Flip — ‘I Am Not Afraid’

A lot of proclamations in this run of the chart.

76. Meg Mac — ‘Something Tells Me’

I don’t like the phrase “soaking up the shit” — it’s too evocative!

75. Golden Features & The Presets — ‘Paradise’

The most ominous sounding intro in this chart.

74. Hayden James & NAATIONS — ‘Nowhere To Go’

A club banger about not going to the club to listen to club bangers.

73. Cub Sport — ‘Party Pill’

About popping Ibuprofen when the club gets too loud, I assume.

72. Angie McMahon — ‘Pasta’

I prefer the gluten-free remix tbh.

71. The Weeknd — ‘Blinding Lights’

Drake tried to sign The Weeknd, and he pretty much said, ‘Nah, you’ll just take all my best songs’. Now every time I hear a Weeknd song I think, ‘This could have been a Drake song.’

70. E^ST — ‘Talk Deep’

The opposite sentiment to Illy’s song.

69. Violent Soho — ‘Vacation Forever’

The best song to use the word ‘strife’ since Frenzal Rhomb’s ‘Knucklehead’.

68. Illy — ‘Then What’

The lack of a question mark annoys me more than I care to admit.

67. Billie Eilish — ‘wish you were gay’

Warning: Home taping is ruining the stupidly expensive studio industry.

66. G Flip — ‘Stupid’

I think every song she has ever written has landed in the Hottest 100. Even ones she hasn’t written yet.

65. Thelma Plum — ‘Homecoming Queen’

Try not to sway slowly and dreamily like Audrey from Twin Peaks when listening to this. Impossible.

64. George Alice — ‘Circles’

There’s a whole generation of young songwriters who grew up on a strict diet of Blasko and we are starting to reap the rewards.

63. Halsey — ‘Nightmare’

If Katy Perry released this exact recording, it wouldn’t be allowed within 50 metres of the triple j offices.

62. Bakar — ‘Hell N Back’

Elton John loves this song, and I love how Elton John still has his finger on the pulse.

61. Holy Holy — ‘Maybe You Know’

Every Holy Holy song belongs in a John Hughes film.

60. Hockey Dad — ‘I Missed Out’

Hockey must be a thing in Wollongong.

59. Mallrat x Basenji — ‘Nobody’s Home’

I love how she pronounces ‘home’.

58. G Flip — ‘Lover’

This is an uplifting and beautiful song. She is very good.

57. Slowly Slowly — ‘Jellyfish’

If they ever make another American Pie film, this song will be on the trailer.

56. J. Cole — ‘MIDDLE CHILD’

A rap tune about Jan Brady.

55. Khalid — ‘Talk’ (Feat. Disclosure)

I forgot about Disclosure!

54. Ocean Alley — ‘Stained Glass’

Beautiful guitar tones that sound like listening to Aussie ‘80s FM radio with one sunburned elbow out the window and zinc on your nose and the esky in the back and — you get it.

53. FISHER — ‘You Little Beauty’

Sounds like ‘Ride On Time’ at various times, and I have to assume this is no accident.

52. Tame Impala — ‘Patience’

Not a Guns N Roses cover.

51. BENEE — ‘Evil Spider’

Spiders aren’t evil, just misunderstood.

50. Holy Holy — ‘Teach Me About Dying’

The perfect song to listen to in the car if you want to accidentally speed when you go through the cross-city tunnel.

49. Ruel — ‘Free Time’

When you are a high school student, free time is important.

48. Ziggy Alberts — ‘Intentions (22)’

Pete Murray took his eye off the ball for too long.

47. BROCKHAMPTON — ‘SUGAR’

I love that a 13-piece self-proclaimed “boy band” from Texas is on triple j so much.

46. Dean Lewis — ‘7 Minutes’

He claims, “It’s been seven minutes since I’ve lost the girl of my dreams” but he managed to knock out this song in that time, so he can’t be too heartbroken.

45. Denzel Curry — ‘RICKY’

What’s the bet this dude is as big as Kendrick this time next year?

44. Baker Boy — ‘Cool As Hell’

You should be able to win Young Australian Of The Year two years in a row.

43. Tame Impala — ‘It Might Be Time’

So many of the new Tame Impala songs seem obsessed with the passing of time. It’s gonna be an interesting album; a long one, too.

42. Juice WRLD — ‘Robbery’

This song just makes me feel sad these days.

41. Travis Scott — ‘HIGHEST IN THE ROOM’

Not while you’re hanging around Kris Jenner, you’re not.

40. Halsey — ‘Graveyard’

“The warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies” is an amazingly true and poetic line.

39. Catfish and the Bottlemen — ‘Longshot’

One of the best songs on this list, and undoubtedly the worst band name.

38. Ruel — ‘Face To Face’

This dude looks like a model, sings like a Timberlake, and hasn’t yet turned 18. You should all hate him. Or love him, depending on your own self-esteem issues.

37. Duke Dumont — ‘Red Light Green Light’ (Feat. Shaun Ross)

Playstation music.

36. PNAU — ‘Solid Gold’ (Feat. Kira Divine/Marques Toliver)

The old philosophical chestnut: Where does PNAU end and Empire Of The Sun begin?

35. Billie Eilish — ‘bury a friend”

About a fun day at the beach.

34. Glass Animals — ‘Tokyo Drifting’ (Feat. Denzel Curry)

This should have been a lot higher in the list.

33. Dom Dolla — ‘San Frandisco’

Such a great song title, I can’t believe it hasn’t been used already.

32. Lime Cordiale — ‘Money’

The type of song Prince would have sex to.

31. Skegss — ‘Save It For The Weekend’

If you listen closely, you can hear the wallet chains rattling.

30. Flume — ‘Friends’ (Feat. Reo Cragun)

There is something about Flume’s songs that freaks my dog Miles out.

29. MEDUZA — ‘Piece Of Your Heart’ (Feat. Goodboys)

Asking someone to “show me a piece of your heart” sounds romantic, but, in practice, would actually be the most disturbing thing to ever happen to you.

28. Lizzo — ‘Juice’

This song was written in a lab by scientists in order to be danced to by Ellen.

27. Stormzy — ‘Vossi Bop’

Stormzy seems like he’d be a great guy to hang out with. I think I’d call him ‘Storm’ for short, too, and he’d be okay with that.

26. Tones and I — ‘Johnny Run Away’

Do it Johnny, she’s warning you!

25. BENEE — ‘Find An Island’

I like when songs about islands sound like the type of song you’d listen to when on an island. All breezy and faintly Caribbean.

24. Ocean Alley — ‘Infinity’

Whenever I read the words Ocean and infinity near each other, I get creepy yoga studio vibes.

23. Tyler, The Creator — ‘EARFQUAKE’

The most Andre 3000 sounding record since ‘The Love Below’. Beautiful.

22. Ruel — ‘Painkiller’

An over-the-counter-only jam.

21. The Chats — ‘Pub Feed’

I can’t help but love a punk song with the lyrics, “More chips, tomato sauce” and “chicken schnitty.”

20. DMA’S — ‘Silver’

Half a dozen more classics like this, and I will forgive the apostrophe.

19. BENEE — ‘Glitter’

In the comments section under this song on YouTube someone wrote, “This song is one of my favourite songs all thanks to TikTok” and now I know I am old. I do like this song a lot, though.

18. Tame Impala — ‘Borderline’

So dreamy and relaxing, despite the anxiety that drips from every word.

17. Lime Cordiale — ‘I Touch Myself’ (Like A Version)

I love that a song about masturbation is an Aussie RSL classic.

16. Billie Eilish — ‘everything i wanted’

When the caps lock key is broken but you need to send the tracklisting to the label.

15. Tones and I — ‘Never Seen The Rain’

She sings a bit like Taylor Hanson in this song, which is a good way to sing.

14. Sofi Tukker — ‘Purple Hat’

I love when chemical formulas make their way into the lyrics of pop songs. Don’t ask me to think of another example, please.

13. Lime Cordiale — ‘Inappropriate Behaviour’

I heard this about ten times before I found out it wasn’t an Arctic Monkeys song. That’s a compliment.

12. FIDLAR — ‘By Myself’

Why haven’t these guys released a live album a la The Beatles famous rooftop concert and named it ‘Fidlar On The Roof’. Just a thought.

11. Post Malone — ‘Circles’

Post Malone makes me think about NBA legend Karl Malone and this insane photo of his actual house.

10. Hilltop Hoods — ‘Exit Sign’ (Feat. Illy/Ecca Vandal)

Did you know this the 21st song Hilltop Hoods have landed in the Hottest 100? Just a fun fact.

9. Thelma Plum — ‘Better In Blak’

A great, empowering song. That’s all.

8. The Jungle Giants — ‘Heavy Hearted’

“Have I ever turned you on,” is the type of question that cannot elicit anything but an uncomfortable reaction.

7. Lime Cordiale — ‘Robbery’

I do love how the Lime Cordiale guys look like sleazy ‘80s dads. It’s a vibe.

6. G Flip — ‘Drink Too Much’

A live cross to every Hottest 100 party in the country.

5. Denzel Curry — ‘Bulls On Parade’ (Like A Version)

A pocket full of shells. Sounds nice, walking the beach, collecting shells — what a pleasant song.

4. Tones and I — ‘Dance Monkey’

Never heard of it.

3. Mallrat — ‘Charlie’

What happened to all the old men in this chart?

2. Flume — ‘Rushing Back’ (Feat. Vera Blue)

Fun fact: Flume learned how to produce using a program that came free in a cereal box. I think he uses a different program now.

1. Billie Eilish — ‘bad guy’

The Marie Kondo of songs.


Nathan Jolly was formerly the Editor of The Music Network, and tweets from @NathanJolly