It’s Time We Ranked Marvel Supervillains According To Hotness And Evilness
Not every villain is as hot as they are evil...
If there’s one thing the media has taught me, it’s that people love a bad boy or girl. There’s a sexy thrill you get when someone rides a motorcycle beyond the speed limit, or forgets to pay their taxes, or eats a grape in the supermarket without paying.
So, imagine how sexy the truly evil supervillains of the Marvel Cinematic Universe must be? Those jokers are irrepressible when it comes to nefarious schemes! And that’s hot.
Unfortunately there’s way too many supervillains in the Marvel universe — which is probably why we have so many spidermen and angry green boys ready to fight them. So, we will not categorically rank all of them. Some of them are just weird forgettable science pals, who we shouldn’t encourage with our memories.
Instead, let’s get straight to the hot cream of the diabolical crop, and rate the top ten hottest and most evil supervillains from the MCU. Remember, they have to be hot AND evil in equal measure.
#10. Loki Odinson (Avengers)
Let’s start this article off controversially, completely alienating the legions of Tom Hiddleston stans out there. Loki is a fancy mischief friend.
Loki is definitely hot enough to be in the top ten — he’s no amoral tech bro from Iron Man, or a weird goblin king from Thor. He’s Loki, the god of mischief, and he’s got charisma and charm and a certain greasy glow. He’s also apparently got a massive wang. Seriously, it’s a whole thing.
Here’s why Loki is down the bottom of this here scientific list: he’s not that bad. Sure, he’s an inherently untrustworthy and self motivated jealous brat, but he’s got a heart of gold. He did lead an alien invasion on to Earth, but after a while we kinda forget about that. He’s made some mistakes, but ultimately, he cares for his hotter, more successful brother. By the time we get to Thor: Ragnarok, he’s basically one of the heroes.
So yeah — he’s a brat, but you gotta love him.
#9: Mariah Dillard (Luke Cage)
Mariah Dillard is the “Queenpin” of Harlem, a powerful, self-centred politician with just a tinge of insanity to keep her going. Absolutely the best character from Netflix’s Luke Cage, and one of the best supervillains.
I mean, damn. A perfectly put together fashion icon who every so often beats someone to death with a bottle of champagne? What’s NOT hot about that?
Mariah Dillard’s evil is cloaked behind a veneer of respectability and community pride, which actually makes her worse than her cousin, the gangster Cottonmouth. But, she’s inherently selfish and conniving, and is honestly one of the more interesting Marvel villains.
What limits her evilness is that it’s basically Harlem based — no “conquering the earth” shenanigans for Mariah Dillard, she’s after a single borough. Well, to begin with I assume.
#8. The Grandmaster (Thor: Ragnarok)
The Grandmaster is the ruler of Sakaar, and seems to mostly hang around making people fight each other in his coliseum, such as Thor and the Hulk in Thor: Ragnarok. He’s very Jeff Goldblum.
Jeff Goldblum has a nervous hotness that seems to transcend time and space, and even though The Grandmaster has a whole ‘eccentric ancient child’ energy going for him, he’s still one of the most attractive men in the universe.
Would we even call The Grandmaster a villain? I mean, he’s not a great guy — I’m pretty sure anyone who likes to watch people fight in arenas is categorically not cool — but it’s not like he has much in the way of schemes. He’s just kinda a dick.
#7. Ego (Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol.2)
Ego is the ultimate daddy. Well, he’s Starlord’s daddy at least. Also, he’s a giant planet which imho is SEXXXY.
Kurt Russell is a pretty hot older guy, and making him an ultra powerful celestial being doesn’t hurt. Always great when your sugar daddy has a big house. Killing all your babies is not heaps hot though.
Ego is just a proud dad who wants to take over every planet with his magic sperm.
#6. Ultron (Avengers: Age of Ultron)
A thicc angry robot, and Tony Stark’s nasty baby boy.
Ulton has a weird amount of booty for a robot. He basically invented his own robot body, and then gave it a massive dumpster? More power to him. Plus he has James Spader’s voice.
I mean, Ultron is NOT entirely wrong. He is pretty relatable, with a strong case for being considerate of artificial intelligence rights, an issue that could become quite important the closer we get to playing god and inventing mechanical minds.
Unfortunately, while he does have a point, he mostly eclipses it with a bunch of wacky schemes to kill the Avengers, such as dropping a small European city on them. That’s pretty evil. But, negative points for making us feel sorry for him too.
#5. Kilgrave (Jessica Jones)
The purple man definitely has a certain sinister charm? He’s disgusting though.
He wears a natty suit, he’s a conventionally handsome-style man? But also he’s a terrifying mind rapist and he’s repugnant.
Genuinely depraved and awful, he may be the most evil human man on this list. If he was less disgusting to look at, he might even win.
#4. Hela (Thor: Ragnarok)
Thor’s extra goth older sister.
I mean, c’mon. Cate Blanchett as a furious Asgardian goddess of death is a severe and perfect aesthetic mood, and really struggles to be beaten. She really pulls off the ‘terrifying headdress’ and ‘will you LOOK at all these swords?’ looks.
Hela seems a bit more of a ‘rampant force of vengeance ands rage’ than a calculated evil. That said — she’s definitely evil. She is up to no good! So many swords!
#3. Elektra (The Defenders)
A very rich beautiful ninja woman who’s keen as hell for knives.
Just a casual “heiress supermodel” look, which i’m sure some people are probably attracted to? I dunno.
Elektra was just mildly sociopathic for a while, a very rich person who enjoys stabbing and fighting. Then she was resurrected from the dead by evil ninjas, and that did NOT end up well for her. She became much more evil, and started to get very on board with plans to destroy New York. Pretty, pretty evil.
Daredevil is pretty certain there’s a spark of goodness in her though, so that’s what stalls her from the top two.
#2. Erik Killmonger (Black Panther)
A beautiful young man who’s really peeved about injustice.
No, fuck off. FUCK OFF. FUCK RIGHT OFF, HE’S SO HOT. Fuck. fuck off.
I mean, as established in this article, Killmonger has a lot of great points about equality and national responsibility for Wakanda. He’s a teensy bit overzealous, but he’s a revolutionary, an activist. He would ABSOLUTELY be at the top of this list, but he just ain’t evil enough. He’s much less evil than Elektra or Hela or Kilgrave, but his extreme sexiness manages to push him almost to the end. Well played.
#1. Thanos (Avengers: Infinity War)
He lives to collect jewels and do maths. And he’s done collecting jewels.
Thanos… Thanos is thicc. Damn son.
He literally wiped out half the universe, that’s insanely evil. He grabbed his big fancy glove and killed off half off everybody, including Peter Parker and that was very sad. He’s methodical, strategic and completely cold-blooded about the universe’s largest murder. The fact that he believes it’s justified is even more terrifying. His ambition is boundless, his power almost limitless, his amorality defined. He is super, super evil.
Frankly, his evilness pushes him well above is attractiveness level, no matter how thicc he is. A surprise winner, but here we go.
Patrick Lenton is an author and staff writer at Junkee. He tweets @patricklenton.