J.K. Rowling Says Wizards Used To Shit On The Floor At Hogwarts, Why Is She Like This?
This is not a joke.
No, this is not a joke. I wish it was, but it isn’t. Maybe you read that headline and clicked on this story thinking it was like an Onion article. But no. It’s real. According to Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, before the invention of modern plumbing, witches and wizards at Hogwarts used to just shit on the floor.
This little nugget of information came courtesy of the Pottermore Twitter account. You know, Pottermore? That thing Rowling uses to slowly drain all the joy and wonder out of her beloved wizarding world?
According to the tweet, which hit the web just in time for National Trivia Day in the US, “before adopting Muggle plumbing methods in the eighteenth century, witches and wizards simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence”.
Wow, so magical!
Hogwarts didn’t always have bathrooms. Before adopting Muggle plumbing methods in the eighteenth century, witches and wizards simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence. #NationalTriviaDay
— Pottermore (@pottermore) January 4, 2019
Rowling expanded on this revelation in a new story on Pottermore about the origins of the Chamber of Secrets, writing that the installation of an elaborate plumbing system in the castle was “a rare instance of wizards copying Muggles”.
Unsurprisingly, this new piece of Harry Potter cannon didn’t exactly enchant Rowling’s fans.
*extremely j k rowling voice* actually french wizards didn’t vanish their poop they used spells to transmogrify it into delicious food and then they ate that food and then pooped it out again and ate it again, over and over. Louis XIV was a wizard and he ate poop.
— TBSkyen (@TBSkyen) January 5, 2019
jk rowling: *spinning roulette wheel* wizards used to.. *spins the wheel again* shit themselves https://t.co/vXEDOqRrTc
— 🌱 (@caracompass) January 4, 2019
JK Rowling: It wasn’t worth clarifying in the text that Dumbledore was gay
Also JK Rowling: But wizards shit on the floor, that’s fucken canon.— Steve Dee, designer of RELICS, coming in 2019 (@tinstargames) January 5, 2019
me: knock knock
friend: who’s there
me: th-
jk rowling: they just fucking shit themselves whenever like it was nothing https://t.co/tDwQ4B6vSi
— Shen the Bird (@Shen_the_Bird) January 4, 2019
I’m glad little children can imagine this now thank you
— chris (@OneyNG) January 4, 2019
jk rowling i will literally pay you to stop writing
— emotional support yokai @ look at my pinned (@kokorogensou) January 4, 2019
Has this account been hacked? Tell me honestly
— Scott Balf (@scottbalf) January 4, 2019
What did I just read pic.twitter.com/7ZmyXHc4i9
— Baroque Witch (@baroque_witch) January 4, 2019
— Charlie. (@c_isforeilrahc) January 4, 2019
— Shaun (@shmaba) January 4, 2019
Sorry guys, it’s part of the Harry Potter universe now. There’s no going back.