‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: Suicide Squad

At this late stage of Game of Thrones, all the surviving characters are basically forming a ragtag bunch of misfits. But this week was extra ragtaggy. For some time now, events have been leading Jon to head north of the Wall to face the dead, with whoever’s bold or foolish enough to join him. So an episode about ill-fated, frustrated missions ends with Jon’s Magnificent Seven striding furrily into the great white unknown.

Of course their quest is ridiculous. Just popping over to the vast army of the dead to bring back a wight as if it’s a litre of milk. To… what? Show Cersei, who could not give 15,782 shits? She’s not even fussed about Jaime’s three bombshells: that Daenerys’s dragons have basically won this war already; that Olenna, not Tyrion, poisoned Joffrey; and that Jaime met with Tyrion right under Cersei’s nose in the dragon crypt.

Is Cersei so blasé because she’s now expecting a wee Lannister at the ancient age of 40 (perhaps after a few successful QyVF treatments)? That kid’s genetic makeup will surely be more munted than that of Mad King Aerys. (Let’s not forget that Tywin and Joanna Lannister were cousins.)

She’s still ready to retaliate to any perceived ‘betrayal’ though — without the crafty calculation she so admires in her father. For Cersei, Bronn should be punished for merely setting up Jaime’s meeting with her hated little brother Tyrion… and Jaime had better watch out, too. He’s been a little too free with unwelcome truths lately.

But as we saw in the episode’s opening scene, you do not boss Bronn about! I love that guy. Last week I called him a sidekick, but he’s delightfully un-deferential to the employer whose life he just saved: he’s all, “The fuck were you doing back there?” this, and “Listen to me, cunt!” that. And ‘dragons’ is his safe word. Much like Davos, Bronn knows when he’s out. No suicide missions for him.

House Lannister employee of the month: Ser Bronn!! #GameOfThones #GOT pic.twitter.com/3gEBEbUhAD

— Kate Cooper (@Kate9675) August 14, 2017

As Tyrion wanders the post-apocalyptic ashes on the banks of the Blackwater Rush — and debriefs with Varys back at Dragonstone over Friday night drinks — he’s beginning to wonder if his own position is hopeless. Daenerys offers the defeated Lannister soldiers a choice of her two favourite things (bending the knee and dragon-roastings) until Tyrion steps right up and says, “Do you need a Hand?” But Dany’s sick of taking advice. As quick as you can say “Dracarys”, a dismayed Tyrion’s staring at a forest of ex-Lannister knees and two charcoal Tarlys.

Their death is a political stumble for Daenerys, as it unfortunately echoes her dad’s murder of Rickard and Brandon Stark. She should’ve gone for Tyrion’s suggestion that the Tarlys join the Night’s Watch instead. I was excited by the irony that Randyll Tarly might take the black on pain of death — the very same fate he’d forced on his own eldest son Sam. Plus, the Tarlys would’ve been handy fighters in the wars to come.

Dickon’s death was basically suicide by dragon: a reckless act of self-abnegation to his dad, and to leaders so petty they laughed at his name. He didn’t ask to be called Dickon, any more than Tyrion asked to be a dwarf.

So now Sam’s the only male Tarly left… not that Archmaester Ebrose has got around to telling him this. Sam has finally reached breaking point with those over-cautious fuddy-duddies in the Conclave, even though the Citadel library is still the stuff of his nerdy dreams. So after one final nocturnal raid of the restricted section, he’s packed Gilly and her now-rather-enormous baby in a wagon to head back north.

Sam’s so frustrated by the hopelessness of his quest to become a maester that he’s not even listening properly when Gilly’s delightfully even-tempered reading busts the Iron Throne’s line of succession wide open. (RIP Shireen Baratheon, literacy champion of Westeros, who taught Gilly to read.) She’s sitting on written proof that Prince Rhaegar Targaryen secretly had his marriage to Elia Martell annulled. Why? So he could marry Lyanna Stark, of course — which would make Jon no longer a Snow, but a legit Targaryen.

Drogon gets it. Just as Rhaegal and Viserion allowed Tyrion to approach them back in Meereen (which backs up a fan theory that Tyrion’s real dad was Mad King Aerys), the dragon seems to recognise Jon, who in turn seems wonderstruck as he softly pets Drogon’s snout. Bran and Gilly each have different pieces of Jon’s parental puzzle, but when will it come together? And how will Daenerys react when she learns Jon’s claim to the throne is stronger than hers?

Tyrion warned Dickon, “This war has already wiped one Great House from the world!” — but in King’s Landing, Davos strikes gold when he finds a scion of the extinct House Baratheon in a forge, striking steel. That’s right, it’s Gendry! And he can definitely swing a war hammer — his dad King Robert’s signature weapon. “I thought you might still be rowing,” quips Davos. Nope. Gendry’s been doomsday prepping.

Is he any good at making weapons out of dragonglass, though? That’s what Jon ought to have asked when he met the plucky bastard in the cave mines back on Dragonstone. Instead, Gendry joins Ser Jorah Mormont, Tormund Giantsbane, Lord Beric Dondarrion, Thoros of Myr and the Hound in Jon’s ragtag suicide squad. Well, look on the bright side. At least two of these guys have come back from the dead already, and two more have been nearly dead.

Is Littlefinger plotting to pit the Stark sisters against one another?

Then there are the dead eyes of Arya Stark and Littlefinger, who are having something of a stare-off this week. Arya knows Sansa wants to be Queen in the North in her own right, but her intensity is freaking out Sansa, who’s trying to hold the precarious northern alliance together. Arya also knows Littlefinger is cultivating spies, and conferring with the Lords of the Vale.

When she breaks into Littlefinger’s room, Arya finds the document he’d fetched from the Winterfell archives: Sansa’s letter to Robb from King’s Landing, urging her brother to bend the knee to Joffrey. (Robb ignored it, instead launching his own ill-fated northern kingship.) Cersei, Varys, Littlefinger and Grand Maester Pycelle bullied a scared and isolated Sansa into writing the letter back in season one, when Littlefinger’s hair and accent weren’t quite so cartoonish.

So, does Littlefinger plan to produce it now to poison Sansa’s alliance? Or, as he smirkingly watches Arya exiting his room, is he plotting to pit the Stark sisters against one another? He knows Arya has a fierce sense of loyalty, combat ability, plus a certain Valyrian steel dagger… But does Littlefinger underestimate the degree to which Arya thrives on chaos?

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Game of Thrones is streaming on Foxtel Now and airing on Showcase at 11am and 8.30pm every Monday.

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Mel Campbell is a freelance journalist and cultural critic. She tweets at @incrediblemelk.