Finance Minister Mathias Cormann Claims “I Am Not A Robot”, Is Probably Telling The Truth
Much like how Chris Kenny has never had sex with a dog.
Finance Minister and definite carbon-based life form Mathias Cormann is one of the government’s quieter figures in Cabinet, mainly because Joe Hockey has the “look at me, I’m deciding where the nation’s money goes while sucking real hard” market cornered. Still, every government minister has to pull their weight, especially when reassuring the voters that the nation isn’t being run by terrifying robots of destruction wearing human skin.
Pictured: entirely normal human beings. (Source: Wikipedia.)
Cormann, a Senator for Western Australia and 100% certified human being, appeared on Lateline last night to defend the government’s budget and firmly, firmly state that he is not, in fact, a robot. When answering an entirely un-robot-related question, Cormann spruiked his credentials as Finance Minister, defended treasurer Joe Hockey, and reaffirmed to the wary and frightened Australian public that neither he nor Hockey are robots, but rather homo sapiens wholly comprised of organic materials such as water, blood and skin.
NoFibs reporter and Twitter hero David Marler (aka @Qldaah) caught the moment and uploaded it to YouTube, because sometimes Twitter isn’t a hideously depressing pool of snarky trolls, self-appointed experts and people furiously agreeing with each other.
While it would be meltingly easy to make some joke about how Cormann, a German-speaking Belgian native, sounds quite a bit like the Terminator, consider this instead: if Cormann were a robot he would be unable to violate Isaac Asimov’s famous Three Laws of Robotics, the first of which states that a robot must not “allow a human being come to harm”. Were that the case, Robot-Cormann would basically be entirely prevented from defending the government’s budget, or have any hand in its creation in the first place. Oh, the irony! We humans do enjoy our irony.
That, and crushing the poor. Right, Joe Hockey?
Haven’t used that gif in a while. Seemed relevant.
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Mathias Cormann’s non-robot face in the feature image via ABC/Lateline.