The ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ Trailer Is Entirely Sexless And Is Disappointingly Safe For Work
It's like a Grade 4 imagining what sex is.
I really wanted to like the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey, mainly because stories that explicitly cater to women and their libidos are often considered to be silly and artless. But oh boy, was it bad. It was bad. It was the least sexy film I have ever seen in my life. Not even Beyonce re-recording ‘Crazy In Love’ could improve this snoozefest.
Because we all must be punished (in the most vanilla and uninteresting way possible) the sequel, Fifty Shades Darker, is due to come out early next year. Judging by the teaser, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are still two very beautiful people who have absolutely no chemistry, despite the fact that they actually hate each other.
It’s like one Babybel cheese putting a mask on another Babybel cheese and then the two cheeses stare at each other in a mirror.
Okay. Fifty Shades Darker comes out on Valentines Day 2017, so you can go see it and then have boring sex with your boring monogamous partner with the lights off. Enjoy!