Politics

The Bad Tweets Division From ‘The Feed’ Are Here To Sort Out Your Post-Election Nonsense

If you said you were going to move to New Zealand, they're gonna hold you to that.

The Feed -- Stupid Tweets Unit

Following the — let’s call it unexpected — election result last Saturday, thousands of Australians came together, united, and Tweeted out a lot of dumb shit.

Which is natural, right? If you’re a diehard Labor supporter, for months, every single poll in the country was telling you that there would soon come a day when you could take your shirt off at the beach without getting jeered at for your photorealistic, massive Bill Shorten back tattoo. Even Sportsbet had odds on the fact that very soon you would no longer have to feel ashamed about loving a man with the charisma of an accountant’s stamp collection; that your time in the sun was just around the corner.

And then, all of a sudden, shock horror — not only do you have to sit there and watch Shorten mumble and hum his way through a concession speech as fun to watch as root canal surgery, but there before your eyes are Peter Dutton and George Christensen, smiling like the cats that got the cream.

So yes, it’s understandable if your reaction to such events was to howl into the social media void. But, as the folks at The Feed have proven, that doesn’t mean that somebody wasn’t listening. Not just somebody, in fact — but one of the most feared institutions in contemporary Australian life: the Stupid Tweets Division, who are here to make sure that every single post-election promise you made to move to New Zealand is honoured.

Look upon their works, ye almighty, and despair:

So yep, looks like the Stupid Tweets Division are here to make sure that if you said you were going to pack your bags and live with your “queen” Jacinda Ardern, that’s exactly where you’ll end up. They’ll even break up with your boyfriend for you to ensure a smooth transition.

Probably a good time to have a quick squizz back over your feed and delete some Tweets, hey?