Culture

Fat Bear Week Is Finally Here, So Meet The Chonky Finalists

If Bear 901 doesn't win, then feminism doesn't exist.

by Merryana Salem  11 October 2022
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Friends, babes, and bear lovers, it’s Fat Bear Week — the week where the world decides which bear is the fattest bear roaming the Brooks River in Katmai National Park, Alaska.

Fat Bear Week runs from October 5 to 11, and allows us mere humans to celebrate the largeness of brown bears in the week before they head off to hibernate. Brown bears, famously and iconically, chonk themselves up so they’re prepared and comfy for their long winter rest.

Essentially, the fatter these large icons are, the better off they’ll be when those sub-freezing winter temperatures hit. Why do we not approach our own human bodies with the same reverence and practicality? I can only deduce it’s because we, as a human species, are terminally silly.

During Fat Bear Week, anyone around the world votes on this bootylicous tournament of kings, queens, and legends nominated by the Katmai National Park. Today is the 11th here in Australia, but because Fat Bear Week voting runs by Pacific Standard Time on Turtle Island, USA – there’s still time to get your vote in to help decide the victor.

As it’s down to the final round of voting, there are two stunningly chonky contestants left. The first is Bear 747, a swole and swanky guy whose estimated to be one of the biggest bears on Earth — estimated to weigh in at around 650kgs.

According to his profile, 747, aka Bear Force One, is so huge, he doesn’t even have to be aggressive to maintain his status among the bears. But if you ask me, it’s just another example of blokes flaunting male privilege, which is why I am rooting for 747’s fellow finalist: Bear 901.

600 and something kgs is nothing to bawk at, sure. But listen, I believe in the power of women and, more specifically, in the porky power of Bear 901, who’s pre-hibernation transformation puts any ’00s movie makeover sequence to shame.

According to her profile, Bear 901 is a socialite of around seven-years-old, who is focusing on enjoying the company of her fellow bears and honing her fishing skills. And, boy, has it paid off. Miss 901 is looking positively plump and prepped full of the finest salmon her paws can pull from Alaska’s stunning rivers. Just look at this absolutely gorgeous gal.

Should Bear 747, a bear whomst has never had to fight for his beef and brawn prevail over Bear 901, who worked hard — day in and day out — at her heftiness? Dare we enforce the glass ceiling on this thick and thriving furry queen? Ask yourselves, who do we as a society wish to be?

You can cast your vote for the Fattest Bear of Fat Bear Week here starting 3 AM AEDT, October 12.