Culture

Some Of The World’s Most Forgotten Celebrities Are Attacking Our Egg Boy

"well if it isn't daytime television Superman and discount Ronan Keating".

by Patrick Lenton  18 March 2019
Egg Boy and Dean Cain and Brian McFadden

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In case you missed it, everyone is going gaga for the Egg Boy, a yolky silver lining on a truly upsetting and devastating cloud. Everyone, that is, except for some of the world’s worst and most dimly remembered celebrities, Dean Cain and Brian McFadden.

In Christchurch this past Friday, 50 people were killed and 50 more were injured in a horrific shooting that targeted two mosques. While the world struggled to deal with the terrorist attack, Queensland Senator and noted asshole Fraser Anning released a statement blaming the massacre on its victims.

In the following press conference, a heroic high school student named Will Connolly, whom the internet has dubbed “Egg Boy”, broke an egg on Anning’s head in protest. The boy was then slapped twice by the Senator, before being brutally attacked and restrained by Anning’s supporters.

The internet rallied behind the Egg Boy, praising not just his bravery and pluck, but also the symbolism behind the egg. He gained international attention, receiving widespread compliments and even rewards.

It may seem trite to focus on the Egg Boy, rather than the victims of the Mosque shooting, the rampant Islamaphobia behind the attack, the rise of the far-right in our society — but his actions were a very tiny spark of hope, a symbolic gesture of rejection of the act and Fraser’s reviled comments.

Speaking to BuzzFeed reporter Lane Sainty, Christchurch local and attendee of Al Noor Mosque Ali Ahmadi said the video of Anning’s egging “made [his] day”.

So, you can imagine how annoyed people got when weird, long-forgotten celebrities from the depths of our collective memory came online to try and dunk on the Egg Boy.

You might remember Dean Cain from the 90s TV series Lois and Clark, where he played Superman, but it’s more likely you don’t. Since then, he’s gone on to playing the role of ‘Dad’ in Andy the Talking Hedgehog, an appearance in the notorious MRA vehicle The Red Pill, a cameo as himself on Mulaney, and being a weird Trump evangelist. What a bio!

The irony of Cain’s past as a a famously fascist hating superhero was not lost on the crowd.

But, he was not the only weird conservative nineties revenant to emerge all angry and flustered from their crypt, hoping to bash up a teen. There’s also Brian McFadden!

You might remember Brian McFadden as one of the members of 90s boyband Westlife — or maybe you don’t.

It’s more likely that you remember him from that brief period he tried to make it in Australia when he was dating Delta Goodrem. He judged shows, like Australia’s Got Talent, which really says it all.

I mean, they’re not alone — even former Spicks and Specks host Adam Hills reckons that the egg was out of line, and the rise of the Far Right can be curtailed through sketch comedy.

Anyway, we must protect the Egg Teen at all costs. And we must continue to dunk on fucking idiots who argue for civility politics days after a massacre.