Just A Really Thirsty Article About The Crazy Hot Dudes From ‘Crazy Rich Asians’
Enjoy.
One of the biggest and most highly anticipated films of 2018 is Crazy Rich Asians, directed by Jon M. Chu and adapted from the bestselling book by Kevin Kwan about the extravagant world of Singapore’s big money elite.
There’s a lot to be excited about: it looks to be a sumptuous, joyful romantic comedy that’s absolutely packed with an amazing cast, including Constance Wu, Ken Jeong, and Michelle Yeoh. The reviews have been overwhelmingly positive.
There’s all sorts of representation and diversity goals being kicked here, which we should be very happy about.
But while Junkee is sure to talk about all of that later and in depth, let’s ignore it for the moment and focus on how extremely fucking hot the leading men in the film are.
Absolutely fuck me up and hold a funeral for my dick, let’s get thirsty.
Henry Golding (Nick Young)
Henry Golding is a newcomer to Hollywood, picked by director Jon M. Chu to play the lead love interest of the film. His character Nick is a history professor at NYU who’s both secretly rich and excessively handsome.
Golding has a kind of golden age of Hollywood good looks, all chiselled jaw and big handsome face that makes you want to buy expensive watches and wear linen pants and fly a bi-plane directly into a volcano because he’s so fucking hot.
Hnng. I can imagine him in a hot air balloon? And that’s attractive????
And look, he’s a fucking ally! Bury us both alive in an airtight coffin, honestly.
This photo is notable because 1) he looks great with stubble and 2) we love a man that gets his little pins out.
Chris Pang (Colin Khoo)
We grew this hot guy here in Australia, like a particularly handsome kind of native flora. You know, like wattle or something. Wattle is an obnoxiously sexy plant, don’t @ me.
You might also recognise him from Tomorrow When The War Began, or you might not, I dunno, I’m not your mum.
Pang plays Colin Khoo, who is getting hugely and ridiculously wedded in the film.
He is hot.
Bad news, former Prime Minister John Howard just made Chris Pang illegal in Australia, because LOOK AT THOSE GUNS.
Extreme Sandra Dee voice: “Tell me about it, stud.”
Remy Hii (Alistair Cheng)
Hellloooooooooo.
Hii, is also an Australian actor, and plays Nick’s cousin Alistair. Alistair works in the movie business in Hong Kong, and is dating a soap opera star.
He’s been in some other things, but let’s focus on the fact that he is a fit young man in his prime, whomst we can ogle at. I don’t know why I’m starting to sound like an upsettingly horny grandmother, but let’s just say he can hop on my caboose any time, ding ding.
Gosh, this looks exhausting, but i’m very appreciative.
Oh, it’s that famous man!
Harry Shum Jr. (Charlie Wu)
Harry Shum Jr. played a cool dancing boy in Glee! In CRA he plays a tech billionaire named Charlie Wu, who hopefully dances at some point. Maybe he pays other people to dance now, which is what I assume billionaires do.
He is very attractive, and also he is in the TV show Shadowhunters, where he plays this upsettingly hot goth.
Honestly, throw me into the ocean and leave me for the ruthless fish, I’m done with this.
Fuck right off. That’s it. Thanks for coming on this thirsty journey with me, let’s all go and sizzle impotently in our own disgusting juices.
Crazy Rich Asians hits cinemas in Australia on August 30.