‘Chinese Food’ Has Received The Incredible Prequel You’ve Been Waiting For
This one's a little bit less racist.
Following the controversy that came with last month’s totally not-racist hit, Alison Gold’s ‘Chinese Food’, you may have expected ARK Music Factory mogul Patrice Wilson to step outta the spotlight for a bit, wait for the internet fury to subside, and then slap the world with another pop masterpiece in a year or so’s time. Nah, Patrice Wilson doesn’t do that.
Instead, he comes straight outta the blocks with another potential hit called ‘ABCDEFG’, ’cause ‘ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ’ is way too long for a song title, are you thick or somethin’?
Described as a sort of prequel to ‘Chinese Food’ (because Gold chomps on a plate of spring rolls at the very end, spoiler alert), this one’s a love song for all you romantics out there: Patrice Wilson, clad in a cuddly Mister Rogers-esque cardigan, pulls the strings over his empire as he attempts to hook-up his protege Alison Gold with her totally-not-into-it unrequited love, young Bizzy Bone. Obviously, she speed-reads some dictionaries and parties with muppets along the way.
As always, the internet’s reaction has been decisive:
Interesting points, but you’re wrong, you’re all wrong. This is the same kinda thing people were saying about Lou Reed in 1966.