Culture

An “Angry Clown Man” Has Risen From The Depths Of Hell To Torment People On A Melbourne Train

Enjoy your long walk home, kids!

First off: when I was eight years old my dad let me watch Stephen King’s It because I thought it was a kid’s film, so it brings me absolutely zero pleasure to bring you this news. I just can’t bear the thought of you unwittingly hopping on trams and trains this afternoon to possibly meet your end at the hands of a deranged demon clown, so do with this what you will.

This morning, a caller on John Faine’s ABC774 morning show reported a sighting of a man silently intimidating passengers on a Saturday morning V/Line train from Ballarat to Melbourne.

This brave witness, known only to us as Karen, recounted her horror ride and described the person as a young man in an “angry clown mask”, who carried a mysterious suitcase. From the accompanying photos she sent, we can also gather he has the cold dead eyes of a killer and a menacing grimace that will haunt your dreams until your dying day.

Karen told ABC radio that the man boarded the train at Ardeer or Deer Park and departed at Southern Cross Station in the CBD. Though this is a 30-minute journey and some passengers were quick to alert the conductor, it appears that he was never stopped or questioned by V/Line management.

“He slowly walked along the aisle until he got to the driver’s door,” Karen said. “He stopped, turned around, and just watched all of us — stared us all down, everyone in the carriage.”

V/Line’s Communications Manager Colin Tyrus responded to the incident this morning, claiming the clown “appeared to be minding his own business”, but that seems doesn’t seem to convince those who were on board. According to Karen, once the man alighted from the train he lurked around the platform and departure area, zoning in on young women in particular.

If you’d like some insight into what a murder clown looks like when he’s totally “minding his own business”, here’s a picture of him ethereally drifting through your subconscious:

This horrific incident is actually something that’s surprisingly common overseas. The small town in California has been tormented by the Wasco Clown for some time now; and following Halloween last year, Vendargues in France had to ban clown costumes completely. A number of people were dressing up as clowns and attacking pedestrians with weapons like axes and hammers, and locals started a militant clown-hunting group called Les chasseurs de clowns to fight them.

Thankfully, that kind of full-on apocalypse seems pretty distant from what’s happening here. Fingers crossed it’s just Mark Holden re-living his glory days.

Feature image via ABC774.