The 30 Most-Played Songs On Australian Commercial Radio, Reviewed In Under 70 Words
It's 2016 and 'Seinfeld' is still on every night, and 'Good Riddance' is still played on the radio every day.
Commercial radio is an interesting market. It’s literally built for repetition, in order to keep you in a state where you are pleased enough by what’s coming out of the speakers that you don’t want to switch the dial and will stick around for the Harvey Norman ads. This is why the most-played songs on radio remain comfortingly familiar year after year, time after time (great song).
The below list represents the most played songs on commercial radio throughout 2016, removing those newer ones that get bashed on the chart shows for a short window, then disappear after a month or two. These are the ones you will hear on the hour, every hour, every day until you die. We’ve reviewed each one in under 70 words, because there is only limited space on the internet. Enjoy!!
30. ‘Jessie’s Girl’ – Rick Springfield
Most people aren’t actually aware that Rick Springfield is an Australian, such was his American success. Jessie knows though; boy did Jessie find out…
29. ‘Walk of Life’ – Dire Straits
One of only two pop songs to have the lyrics “Be-Bop-A-Lula” in them. The other was a Good Charlotte song (probably).
28. ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’ – Crowded House
This is one of the most beautiful songs ever and I refuse to make a joke about it. Yes, I know that’s nil fun (geddit???)
27. ‘Jump’ – Van Halen
Might as well jump? Geez, Van Halen you gotta try harder than that to pump us up, or convince us to do anything. A tapping solo or a Yamaha riff or something, c’mon guys!
26. ‘Locked Out of Heaven’ – Bruno Mars
Always leave a spare key taped to the top of the mailbox. I’d imagine the keys to heaven would be the type that you can’t get cut at one of those 15 minute booths at the mall either. Also, if I ever move to space and buy a dog, I bags his name.
25. ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ – Bon Jovi
Living on prayer alone, sleeping only after his death, specifically requesting bad medicine, lying on beds of nails. Probably shouldn’t go to Bon Jovi for medical advice, hey.
24. ‘Hurts So Good’ – John Cougar
John Cougar’s Tinder profile would say “musician looking for a lover who a) won’t drive me crazy, b) will hurt me, but in a good way, c) will hold me like we’re running a yellow light (tight, but not super red-light-tight) and d) who will thrill me then hit the highway.” Ladies?
23. ‘Centrefold’ – J Geils Band
J. Geils is pissed because the girl he used to crush on at school now does porn, but he is only pissed because it destroys his memory of her and her wooly sweater. And then he tracks her down, and hits on her. Cool guy.
22. ‘Sounds Of Then’ – Gangajang
Back in my day margarine ads sounded like margarine ads, and verandahs were called patios, and every single one looked out onto cane-fields.
21. ‘Moves Like Jagger’ – Maroon 5
I really get the feeling that we’re going to find out something horrendous about Adam Levine in 30 or so years. Hopefully not, but maybe…
20. ‘White Wedding’ – Billy Idol
The classic song about Billy Idol claiming the front seat in the family car on the way to a family wedding, as evidenced by the line: “Hey little sister, shotgun!”
19. ‘I Gotta Feeling’ – Blackeyed Peas
That feeling is regret, followed by the urge to vomit, only you haven’t eaten anything for days now. The lyrics “fill up my cup, Mazel Tov. Look at her dancing, just take it off” are some of the worst musical crimes ever committed.
18. ‘Let Her Go’ – Passenger
This guy went from busker to international star in about three years, so all respect. This is a sleeping pill of a song though.
17. ‘Boys of Summer’ – Don Henley
In the excellent 2013 Eagles documentary, Don Henley says: “We had a bag of peyote buttons, a bunch of trail mix, some tequila, a bunch of water and some blankets — and the seven of us set out for Joshua Tree.” How is that not the starting to the best unwritten Hunter S. Thompson article ever?
16. ‘Somebody Told Me’ – The Killers
These guys come from Las Vegas, which is like finding out ABBA are from Sweden or something crazy like that.
15. ‘Africa’ – Toto
Why haven’t any of the boy bands released a cover of this? It’s got it all: massive harmonies, tribal drumming, the challenge to fight 100 man or more, the unholy worshipping of precipitation. Classic boy band fodder!
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