11 Animals That Should Be Sent To Space Instead Of A Persian Cat

According to Iranian reports, the country intends to fling a long-haired cat into space by March. This is a bad idea for a lot of reasons.

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According to media in Iran, the government hopes to shoot a Persian cat into space by the end of the year, for its latest manned space trial.

While the space race for the most part moved past animal astronauts back in the ’50s — when it was decided that monkeys and dogs react differently to humans, and that it is a really, really mean thing to do — Iran are still using animals to test the technology ahead of a planned 2020 mission.

According to an official, the homegrown flat-faced, long-haired breed was selected as their next subject, because it did well on some tests.


This may or may not have been one of the tests.

The cat will follow the footsteps of “a mouse, a turtle and some worms” that Iranian officials claim were sent out on a space flight in 2010, as well as a monkey named Pioneer, which was pushed out of earth’s atmosphere and successfully returned home last year (although there was some controversy over that one, too).

Some worms maybe, but a Persian cat? Come on. There are so many other different animals you could send to space that are far less important to earth than these:

11. The Oriental Yeti:

Jury is still out on whether or not this mysterious hairless abomination is an “Oriental Yeti” or just a big old cat with mange.

Either way, off to space with you.

oriental yeti

10. The Hideously Deformed Lobster With A Finger-Like Left Claw: 

Her name is Lola. She weighs four pounds and has six claws and one of them looks like a human hand and could crush your human throat to death.


9. This Horrible, Horrible Octopus:

Posted without comment.

8. The Yeti Crab:

Good luck staying so pretty IN SPACE.


7. The Velvet Worm: 

Three reasons. First, it can paralyse its prey with sticky ropes of slime. Second, it has not evolved for 570 million years. Third, it is disgusting.

Look at the way it moves.

6. The Naked Mole Rat: 

The naked mole rat is a burrowing rodent from East Africa. Some people call it the “sand puppy”. These people are fiercely delusional.


Here it is from another angle:


5. The Frill Shark: 

Nope, you can go.

4. This Goliath Bird-Eating Spider, And The Person Filming It: 

3. The Coconut Crab:

He is hiding behind every bin you pass.


2. This Jerk: 

1. All Of The Hagfish:

Eel-shaped and with a disgusting head, the hagfish is the only known living animal that has won a skull, but no vertebrae.


The hagfish averages out at around 50cm long, with up to 100 glands running along its flanks that produce up to 20 litres of slime. When they get caught in the jaws of prey, it ties itself into an overhand knot and secretes slime to escape.

hagfish slime

Also, they have teeth.

hagfish teeth

The hagfish can get the fuck out of here, thanks.

Feature image via Zastavki