‘The Today Show’ Has Made A Karl Stefanovic Alarm Clock To Fulfil All Your Saddest Sexual Fantasies
The app is available for free download now, but it'll definitely cost you your dignity.
Australia, we need to talk.
I love Karl Stefanovic as much as the next person; in all likelihood much, much more. I respect that he had the guts to bust out a ridiculous dad joke on the Dalai Lama. I love that he had to drunkenly hold his shit together after the Logies. I think it’s great that he’s made himself an advocate for feminism and Indigenous representation in the media, and busted out his For Realz journalism on the PM. I’m even okay with whatever this is:
But now, things have gone too far. This morning, live on The Today Show, Karl Stefanovic and Lisa Wilkinson announced a new app developed to foster your love for them and their work. Developed for iPhone and available via the App Store, you can now download the Today Show Alarm Clock — a free set of wake-up messages recorded by the incredibly dorky crew of the morning show to simulate the experience of being in bed with them.
It is exactly as creepy as it sounds.
If you skipped through without watching that video, I implore you to go back. It starts with what is undoubtedly the sound Karl Stefanovic makes when he cums and ends with Lisa Wilkinson laying out the details of a wet dream about George Clooney.
Other highlights include the bit where Sylvia Jeffreys opts for a half-arsed impression of Ron Burgundy for literally no reason and Richard Wilkins earns his keep in typical smoothfm fashion.
“Hi baby, it’s me,” he says, to what is undoubtedly a thousand elderly women furiously masturbating. “Hey, I hope you’re feeling okay. You’ve obviously got a big day planned so time to get out of bed and get yourself together. Switch on the tele too. I’ll give you a secret wave. Get up! I love you.”
If this was a skit from the Chaser guys it would be exceptional, but as a real life thing that people will presumably use, it is nothing short of terrifying. I don’t think I can go on, living my life, looking strangers directly in the eye, all the while knowing that this is a thing that exists.
That is, unless everyone’s planning to sneakily download the app on friends’ phones so they’re uncomfortably awoken by Karl’s post-coital moans. In which case, here is the link.
