The Six Best Ways To Flood Government Offices With Bogus Job Applications
If you're on Newstart, the government wants you to apply for forty jobs a month. Why not ask them for all forty?
UPDATE: The Australian is reporting that people who spam job applications will face fines and payment suspensions, so make sure you only make “genuine” applications to those thousands of job openings that are out there, waiting to be plucked like sweet, sweet money-grapes.
A few days ago, the government announced changes to Work For The Dole schemes that will see unemployed people under thirty years of age sending forty job applications a month to potential employers to avoid their Newstart payments being cut off.
Leaving aside for the moment that leading economists say work-for-the-dole schemes don’t work at all, around 717,000 Australians are unemployed at the moment, and the youth unemployment rate is sitting at 13.5 percent.
In May there were 146,000 job vacancies advertised, meaning that there just aren’t enough jobs to go around, no matter how many hastily-written cover letters you throw at the situation. Already, business leaders are warning that the policy will see businesses flooded with applications from people just trying to reach their forty-a-month quota, even if they’re ludicrously unqualified for the position on offer.
Of course, you’ve probably figured all that out already, but I felt like spelling it out in terms that a five-year-old could understand on the off-chance that Employment Minister Eric Abetz is reading this. Hi, Eric! You gronk.
Social media, being the wondrously sarcastic Hydra that it is, has responded with some quick-and-easy ways to tick your monthly job-applications box — mostly by making it really, really easy to flood government offices with bogus applications. Here are some of the best ones.
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GetUp! Wants You To Apply For A Job In Eric Abetz’s Office
Oh, GetUp. You scamps.
Technically this is a template to send Abetz’s office a letter telling him why this policy is terrible, but there’s absolutely no reason you can’t attach a CV spruiking your political savvy and commitment to crushing the nation’s poor at the same time.
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Labor MP Madeleine Ogilvie Is Accepting Your Photos Of Dogs Disguised As CVs
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The “Sending Job Applications To Senator Abetz” Facebook Page
This page is full of motivational quotes to get you fired up for the long, long job applications grind, you lazy devils.
Whee! This is fun!
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Clementine Ford Is Hiring A Personal Assistant Sometime In The Next Few Trillion Years
Daily Life columnist Clementine Ford is in the market for a personal assistant — or at least will take your emails saying you would like that non-existent job. Other writers are also putting their hands up in the comments — The Vine‘s “profestional jernalist” Andrew P Street is looking for someone to sing to him, while Catherine Deveny has a masseuse/house keeper/governess/editor/acrobat gig going.
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The Macarthur Greens Are Kindly Providing Contact Details For Every Coalition Office
If none of those exciting opportunities ring your bell, you can always send mass emails to every single federal Coalition politician, like the Macarthur Greens are suggesting. There are 123 of them, which is three months of useless job applications right there. KPI smashed!
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The Guardian’s Nick Evershed Shows You How To Send Forty Cat Pictures That Technically Count As Job Applications
“I created a profile on job search website seek.com.au. You can set up a profile with all your details, including your previous employment history and a resume. I created a fake profile (welcome to the workforce, Mr Fakey McName, former CEO of Awesome Corporation) and uploaded a dummy resume.
“I helpfully put a line at the top of my resume to let people know that this was not a serious job application, and included a picture of a kitten in a hat to alleviate any feelings of ill will my fake application might create.”
Image via The Guardian.
Four for you, Nick Evershed! You go, Nick Evershed!
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