Celebrity

Calling A Pitch Meeting To Fix The X Slogan

The app formerly known as Twitter has a new slogan, and we suggest there are many improvements to be made.

barbie movie mattel x twitter slogan

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Oh for fuck’s sake, Elon Musk.

In the most recent development of Twitter rebranding to X, a new slogan for the app has reared its ugly head: ‘Blaze your glory!’

Firstly, what an ick. The sentence casing is giving me second hand embarrassment and I can’t explain why that is but the exclamation mark is reading over-zealous uncle at the barbecue, sloshing a beer all over the shop, slapping you on the shoulder and screaming in your face about his fantasy football league. Yucko. 

So assuming that Elon Musk has just hacked into the work account on a weekend and written this rogue, nondescript statement into the App Store bio line, it’s safe to say that they might be open to some alternatives. Here are my suggestions.

X Marks The Spot Where We Fell Apart

A subtle Taylor Swift ‘Getaway Car’ reference. It seems that there are still some Swifties on the platform among the fallen soldiers that may appreciate the shoutout.

X-Men: Apocalypse

Feeling a little bit like this, tbh. I miss the old Twitter.

XS

For the Rina Sawayama girlies! It’s giving lavish, it’s giving expensive, it’s giving excess. I back this one.

Xistential Crisis

Self-explanatory. I rate this one. Y’all heard about global boiling? It’s cooked.

X I Never Had

A bit left of centre, but could be a good vibe and new direction for the brand. Leaning into the new X era, and turning it into a dating site, but only for toxic exes to date each other and leave everyone alone! Iconic!

Xtra Xtra Read All About It!!!!

I feel like Elon’s gonna like this one there’s a heap of exclamation marks!!! It’s very loud, very extra. Stands out in a crowd. A good choice if you want nobody to ever use your stupid social media platform, which seems to be the brand vision!!

Xternal Hard Drive

Feeling this one hard. Storing all the gear, but like, outta sight.