What Will Sex Look Like In The Future?
Apps, devices and tech trends that may -- or may not -- change the way we do it.
Man and woman have been fornicating in varied combinations since the beginning of time — which is either 6,000 years ago or 6 million, depending on whether you’re Bill Nye or Ken Ham. Innovation and advances in science have been helping us “do it” since an American physician began to treat “hysteria” with a steam-powered vibrator in 1864.
If the realism and relate-ability of Spike Jonze’s Her taught us anything, it’s that we’re already well on our way to a sexy, sexy future. I’ve played with upcoming virtual reality simulator Oculus Rift a couple of times, for instance, and just because I threw up on both occasions doesn’t mean porn with it wouldn’t be amazing. The possibilities are endless, and we’re just getting started.
Here are a few of the latest in sexual accoutrements — some out now, some coming soon, and some that really shouldn’t exist at all.
The Vibrator: Kiiroo
Amsterdam-based start-up Kiiroo describes itself as the “sweet spot between technology, emotion, intimacy, curiosity and identity”. Its founder Toon Timmermans says he got the idea for the product during that sex scene from Demolition Man, a 1993 Sylvester Stallone flop in which characters sport connected helmets and engage in virtual sex.
Part social network and part vibrator, Kiiroo is designed to give users the sensory feeling of intercourse with a “lover, friend, or stranger”, and simulate physical touching. Users create a profile on the site and use it in conjunction with the SVir (a male masturbator with eight contracting rings inside that sends out and receives sensory data from the female or male version), or the OPue (a female vibrator that sends out a signal to the SVir).
Basically it’s like Tinder, but without that awkward real-life part.
The startup’s running an Indiegogo campaign, and the devices are currently in pre-production. Kiiroo has said it eventually wants to partner with Second Life, meaning you too could have sex with Weird Al Yankovic.
Release Date: Mid-2014
Price: From US$49 for the female OPue, and US$149 for the male SVir
The Underwear: Fundawear
Long-time sexperts Durex Australia, in conjunction with Aussie fashion designer Billie Whitehouse, have come up with sensual vibrating underwear that connects you with your partner through a smartphone app — ideal for long distance relationships, or people just tired of their smelly old Bonds.
The app operates as a remote, allowing the user to control speed and intensity of vibrations, even from thousands of kilometres away. It can work across cities, states and continents, and is available as boxers for gents and bras and knickers for ladies.
Fingers crossed the scientists in the lab have figured out a way to make it less awkward than the first ever live trial, below. And please make a mental note to never say “you looooove it” like that guy, ever.
Release Date: “Years off”
Price: Under $200
The D.I.Y: 3D Printed Sex Parts
On top of finishing off any manufacturing industry this country has left, the rapid rise of affordable 3D printers is sparking a boom in demand for personalised sex toys that can be ordered online or printed at home — and a raft of start-ups and new companies are popping up to cater to demand.
Take New York Toy Collective, run by Chelsea Downs and Laura Parker, which now offers what they’re calling the “most personalised gift ever”: a replica of your penis or vagina using cutting-edge 3D modeling, 3D printing and casting in sterilisable and flesh-like silicone.
Others are taking more of a Julian Assange approach — like Tom Nardone, who is hosting free-to-download, user-generated 3D designs for adult toys to be printed at home on his Makerlove website.
The current hottest download? Justin Bieber’s head. Don’t ask any questions. I don’t know.
“The world of 3D-printed sex toys is growing rapidly and every day more and more brands pop up,” says designer Jelle Plantenga of Dutch ‘gentlemen’s jewellery’ brand Velv’Or, which offers printed nylon products for men. “It has the potential to grow very big”.
Release Date: Right now
Price: 3D printer Cubify is US$1299
The Glass: Google Glass Sex
Google Glass has only been in the hands of a few lucky beta testers for a few months, but, like most new gadgets, people are already figuring out how to use it to have sex.
A new app dubbed Glance, developed at a wearable-tech hack day, promises to show for the first time what your partner sees during sex, thanks to “shared live streaming.”
“See what your partner can see,” the app’s developer Sharif Maktabi says. “Just say, ‘OK glass, it’s time’ and Glass will stream what you see to each other. And if you feel like stopping everything, just ask: ‘OK glass, pull out’.”
“Some people find what we do repulsive,” Maktabi told the Guardian. “But a lot of other people – and I am basing this from the emails we are getting online – really desire to try this. People have fantasies, desires and needs. It’s personal.”
No word yet on to what extent wearing Google Glass actually decreases your sex appeal, but I’m sure that study’s on its way.
Now: Google Glass is expected for public release mid-2014, but you can get the Glance app now
Price: App is free, Google Glass costs US$1,500
The Sex Doll: Roxxxy
Roxxxy, below, is the “world’s first sex robot”, and is essentially one man’s crusade to make sex as lifeless as possible.
The robot, priced at $7,000 to $9,000 plus a separate subscription fee, comes with pre-programmed personalities, such as ‘shy’, ‘outgoing’, ‘experienced’, or ‘skank mode’. Yep. The bot also cycles through different temperements such as ‘tired’ or ‘horny’ — so there’s a strong chance one of you won’t be in the mood at any given time.
As Something Awful reports, Roxxxy “looks like Lady Gaga died having her wisdom teeth extracted. She sits motionless on a couch and she smells like a prosthetic limb factory.”
The worst part is you can trade them online with friends… which is sorta like Wife Swap, but ten times more fucked up. (I probably would watch that reality show, though.)
Here’s an extremely NSFW clip showing what she can do.
No word yet on a male version of Roxxxy. Australia’s “man drought” has to be solved somehow, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t the way.
David Swan is a Melbourne-based writer and is the Associate Editor of tech news site iTWire. He also writes for FasterLouder and used to work in a bird costume at kids’ birthday parties. Follow him on Twitter here.