We Recommend: Your Friday Freebies

Junkee-endorsed bits and bobs to make your weekend better. Includes 'de-sensationalised tabloid headlines' and a BBQ’d croc eating a chicken wrapped In bacon (don't ask, just click).

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Each Friday, our contributors send in a bunch of (legally) free stuff they’ve come across this week to help you waste your weekend. You’re welcome.

Song: Seinfeld theme, covered by Seinfeld2000

Recommended by: Edward Sharp-Paul (‘Donald Sterling, Eddie McGuire, And The Real Face Of Racism‘)

It’s a little-known fact that Seinfeld’s famous ‘slap bass’ theme song was performed not on a bass guitar, but on a Korg programmable keyboard, or ‘synthesizer’. It seems unbelievable, but according to conspiracy theory accumulator and repository of arcane knowledge, Wikipedia, it’s true. It’s a lot easier to program a ‘synthesizer’ than it is to play bass guitar, so theoretically, it should be a lot easier to play this famously challenging piece of music than many might assume.

Seinfeld2000, a popular Seinfeld fanfic auteur, has proven as much, with a note-perfect cover of the beloved song. For a bit of fun, try to figure out which is the cover, and which is the original. Good luck!

Movie: Star Wars: Turn To The Dark Side – Episode 3.1

Recommended by: Mel Campbell (‘Recap: Planning, Scheming And Warging On Game Of Thrones‘)

That 70s Show actor Topher Grace’s private edit of the Star Wars prequels into a single 85-minute movie is the stuff of internet legend. Now, someone else has recut the three films into a slightly longer (two hours and 47 minutes) edit along the same principles, and uploaded it to Vimeo.

Basically, it gets rid of all Anakin’s back-story and the boring political background, introducing him as an impetuous teenager in love with the senator he’s hired to protect. It’s still super-clunky, but now there’s much more action to distract you from George Lucas’s tin ear for dialogue. It’ll no doubt be pulled before long, so watch it while you can.

Album: ‘We Drink To Forget the Coming Storm’, by Leyland Kirby

Recommended by: Doug Wallen (‘Five Things We Learned From The Double‘)

Okay, this one is only free if you want it to be. Experimental-music veteran Leyland Kirby (The Caretaker, V/Vm, et al) is celebrating his 40th birthday by releasing a 40-track album as a name-your-price download. Recorded “through the darkest night hours during periods of disillusionment” in his current base of Krakow, Poland, it’s over three hours long and dwells beautifully on ruminative piano passages, haloed by a filmy ambience achieved through artificial strings and choir. It’s great music for working to, and easily worth “the price of a birthday whisky,” as Kirby suggests. But he’s fine with you grabbing it for free, too.

Recommended by: Brendan Maclean

Look. This is obviously something I made, but I’m quite satisfied with it.

Tumblr: ‘De-sensationalised Tabloid Headlines’

Recommended by: Elizabeth Flux

If you’ve been getting progressively more fed up with sensationalised articles which somehow make a 300-word sartorial analysis out of a woman leaving the gym or getting a coffee, then it seems you are not alone. This week, people have been taking to their keyboards to strip back tabloid headlines to their bare origins. Highlights include seeing a 23-word frenzy about Taylor Swift’s hair getting messed up being summarised as “It’s mildly breezy outside”, and a dig at Rihanna going bra-free getting slapped down and replaced by “Woman goes to sports event, wears top.”


Sportz Article: Kings For A Lifetime: Fools 4Eva  

Recommended by: Jaymz Clements

I’m a basketball obsessive (I even have season tickets to the Brooklyn Nets), and one of the undisputed all-time greatest NBA playoff series is the 2002 Western Conference Finals between the LA Lakers and the Sacramento Kings. Now… you could be all like: “But hey, LA had Shaq and Kobe at the height of their powers, and no one had a chance against them! Three-peat baby! Count tha Ringzzz!11!!1!”

And I would spit in your face before trying to punch you square in the eye.

Because the 2002 WCF were one of the NBA’s most amazing, enchanting, and disturbingly dodgy playoff series ever. Sure, LA had Shaq and Kobe in their primes, but Sacramento (that crazy little inland capital city of California) had a deliriously excellent mish-mash of delectable basketball characters: Chris Webber, Vlade Divac, Peja Stojakovic, Mike Bibby, Doug Christie, Hedo Turkoglu, Bobby Jackson, Scot Pollard, Doug Christie’s Wife, Coach Rick ‘I look kinda like Gene Hackman in Hoosiers’ Adelman. They were awesome, fun to watch… and amid a crazy amount of pro-LA foul calls, they lost.

As the current NBA playoffs hit the tipping point of their second round, Grantland writer Jonathan Abrams goes deep into one of the greatest series sport has ever known. Where flopping, officiating, and utterly ridiculous shots ruled, and legacies were made and dashed. It’s great. If you ever loved basketball, this needs to be in your brain.

Recommended by: Elmo Keep


Maps: ’40 Maps That Explain The Middle East’, by Vox

Recommended by: Michelle See-Tho

If you’ve been following new explainer website Vox closely, you probably know they’ve been doing some damn cool things. This is definitely one of the most helpful, especially for anyone who’s totally befuddled by the Middle East sitch.


Food?: A BBQ’d Croc Eating A Chicken Wrapped In Bacon 

Recommended by: Katie Booth (‘The Biebs Finally Responds To Being Called A”Piece Of Sh*t” And “Motherf*cker” By Seth Rogen‘)

Remember How I Met Your Mother’s ‘TurTurkeyKey’? Or something called the ‘Cthuken’ (a combination of octopus, bacon, turkey and crab legs)? Well, this is the Aussie version. It’s a crocodile eating a baked chicken, wrapped in bacon strips. And it’s all kind of weird and ridiculous.

 croc chicken baconjpg

According to @alixmcalpine, Australia can lay claim to this amazing new recipe. She said she found the image on, you guessed it, Brown Cardigan.