Vladimir Putin Scores Eight Goals In An Ice Hockey Match That Definitely Wasn’t Rigged At All
ALL HAIL GREAT AND GLORIOUS PUTIN.
Greatest Muscular Leader Vladimir Putin (all hail) has wowed Russian audiences with his latest display of manly prowess, demolishing the opposition in an exhibition ice hockey match in Sochi. Putin scored an almost unbelievable eight goals in his team’s crushing 18-6 victory, providing a fitting spectacle to commemorate the 70th anniversary of the end of World War II and leaving ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT IN ANYONE’S MINDS that the Russian President has recovered from the illness that kept him out of the public eye for almost two weeks earlier this year. BEHOLD HIS MIGHTY HOCKEY POWER.
Look how despondent his opponents look. Clearly they are devastated at being so outclassed by the President’s unrivalled skills, rather than by being forced to throw a game in an absurd pantomime for the carefully managed personality cult of an increasingly authoritarian leader. At least the fans gave him a warm reception. In fact, you could say that they were…Putin on the Ritz.