Twitter Responds To Tony Abbott’s Cabinet Reshuffle
Merry Christmas, kids. Scott Morrsion is your new Minister for Social Services.
So the last day of Parliament has passed and we are all settling in with our friends and family for a lazy Christmas season. The time for political bickering is over. Our biggest problems for the next few weeks will be minor sunburn, meat sweats and sugar shakes. Right? WRONG. Today, out of nowhere, Tony Abbott has announced a reshuffle of his federal cabinet.
Like a kid desperately trying to mash the pieces of his favourite jigsaw puzzle together into a formation that looks right, the PM has swapped around several prominent members of his government in an attempt to start 2015 on fresh footing. All this in spite of the fact that all the major opinion polls are pointing to the fact that it is him who is the problem. Awks.
In case you were off enjoying your life like a normal human and missed the announcement, we’ve got the full rundown. Thankfully there were a few faithful Twitter warriors still around to give us some important background context and insightful commentary too.
Merry Christmas, kids.
–
Scott Morrison Is The New Minister For Social Services
It physically pains me to write this. The Minister for Immigration responsible for “Operation Sovereign Muders“, an asylum seeker policy that contravenes the UN torture convention, and this new travesty of a bill that gave him totally unchecked powers over the lives of refugees is now in charge of decisions about our nation’s children, elderly, disadvantaged and disabled.
Reaction: The world is now bleak and awful. Christmas is cancelled.
And a merry Christmas to all! *fills stocking with herpes* MT @abcnews: #BREAKING: Scott Morrison will become Social Services Minister.
— Marieke Hardy (@mariekehardy) December 21, 2014
Scott Morrison, Minister for Social Services? Finally, he gets to bring shame and misery to the mainland.
— ABC News Intern (@ABCnewsIntern) December 21, 2014
Scott Morrison issues chilling warning: "I will now turn my attention to our welfare system"
— Ben Eltham (@beneltham) December 21, 2014
Morrison: What if, like, instead of the dole we put all the poor ppl on Nauru!! Tony: You're like so hired. Let's do jelly shots. #reshuffle
— Jessica Alice (@jessica_alice_) December 21, 2014
Scott Morrison gets to oversee the introduction of the Paid Parental Leave Scheme. Wow.
— Latika Bourke (@latikambourke) December 21, 2014
Morrison to become new Social Services Minister. Operation Sovereign Housos. #auspol #reshuffle
— Marc Fennell (@marcfennell) December 21, 2014
Scott Morrison on his new role in leading Social Services pic.twitter.com/Jqnji6wULI
— Heluva Bottom Carter (@OreoSpeedwagon_) December 21, 2014
Operation Sovereign Paupers will be announced shortly before Christmas. #reshuffle #auspol
— Scott Morrison (@Scott_The_Boats) December 21, 2014
–
We Now Have A Minster For Science
Now for some better news. The position of Minister for Science has been reinstated and given to Ian MacFarlane. Though the PM claimed the industry wouldn’t suffer from not having a standalone title, this was a glaring and worrisome omission from his original cabinet announcement. Many are however still worried about MacFarlane himself. Though he’s been more accepting in recent years, in the past he’s displayed a troubling scepticism of climate change.
Reaction: Cautiously optimistic.
"I have decided to state in words what I thought was always obvious so it is obvious for everyone" Tony, there was no science Minister…
— Clancy Moore (@clancy_moore) December 21, 2014
Well, at least #science gets a Minister now. Pity there's still no Minister for #mentalhealth #reshuffle
— Bernadette McSherry (@bmcsherr) December 21, 2014
Anyone else think Science Minister Ian MacFarlane's key job will be to sabotage renewable energy expansion? #auspol pic.twitter.com/LgEtWM0T1A
— News Australia (@NewsAustralia) December 21, 2014
–
Peter Dutton Is Our New Minister for Immigration
Previously the Minister for Health and Sport, Dutton is now making the monumental jump over to Morrison’s old role. Sure, why not? Anyone’s got to be better than that dude, right?
Reaction: Nope.
What's great about moving Peter Dutton to the Immigration portfolio is that he can tap into his empathetic instincts. pic.twitter.com/XqMi165cfY
— Marieke Hardy (@mariekehardy) December 21, 2014
New immigration minister Peter Dutton known for being only LNP member to boycott Kevin Rudds apology to stolen generation in 2008. #auspol
— Kon Karapanagiotidis (@Kon__K) December 21, 2014
–
Kevin Andrews Has Moved From Social Services To Defence
Because YOLO.
Reaction: Enough emotions to warrant a free counselling session.
Kevin Andrews is the new Defence Minister ? God help us all.
— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) December 21, 2014
And look frankly I respect the decision to move Kevin Andrews to Defence because he is an innate badass. pic.twitter.com/O0OKR1ByHp
— Marieke Hardy (@mariekehardy) December 21, 2014
Defence Minister Kevin Andrews. I'm looking forward to seeing $200 counselling vouchers for countries in conflict #auspol
— Casey Briggs (@CaseyBriggs) December 21, 2014
HOW CAN KEVIN ANDREWS BE MINISTER FOR DEFENCE WHEN HE IS ALREADY MINISTER OF MY HEART.
— Benjamin Law (@mrbenjaminlaw) December 21, 2014
–
Sussan Ley Has Just Doubled The Number Of Women In Abbott’s Cabinet
With Andrews in Defence and David Johnston being dumped completely, Sussan Ley has become the newest addition to the federal cock forest as Minister for Health. When the PM was questioned by a reporter whether he would like to see more women working in the Federal Government, he effectively shrugged and said it’s not his fault they’re all shit. For those still playing at home, his cabinet still has fewer women in it than a Zoo Weekly‘s staff meeting, the Afghan government cabinet, the Supreme Court, the Mad Men writers’ room and Muammar Gaddafi’s old personal guard.
Reaction: Well done, Tone. You’re mediocre at best.
With two women in cabinet & science in industry portfolio the govt still in the 50s but perhaps more like December 1959 #auspol #reshuffle
— Simon Anicich (@simonanicich) December 21, 2014
Abbott uses meritocracy to justify two female MPs in Cabinet, essentially calling his women MPs inferior. AND HE'S STILL MINISTER FOR WOMEN.
— Benjamin Law (@mrbenjaminlaw) December 21, 2014
INT. CABINET ROOM First cabinet meeting post-reshuffle ABBOTT Hello, ladies.
— ABC News Intern (@ABCnewsIntern) December 21, 2014
REMINDER: there are still 2.5 times more women in Tony Abbott's immediate family than there are in his Cabinet. pic.twitter.com/qY6Tr4UZo0
— steph harmon (@stephharmon) December 21, 2014
–
All ministers will be officially sworn in to their new duties on Tuesday. Check out the full list below.
The new Abbott ministry http://t.co/lknu7X8Y2c #auspol pic.twitter.com/kuN1STn6Ev
— smh.com.au (@smh) December 21, 2014
Or, if you prefer, hear it all in a much more stammering and suspenseful way by watching the full announcement.