The Internet Is Already Fucking With Cory Bernardi’s New Party With A Bunch Of Parodies
They've been around for less than a day and people are already getting stuck in.
Just in case you haven’t already heard the news, yesterday Cory Bernardi officially broke up with the Liberal Party. In a dramatic speech full of fiery rhetoric and confusing nautical metaphors, the South Australian told his Senate colleagues that enough was enough, and that he was ditching the government in order to form a new, better, shinier party: the Australian Conservatives.
Bernardi’s move has sparked plenty of criticism, with Greens Senator Richard Di Natale calling him “a hypocrite” and a person “lacking in integrity and substance”, and Independent Senator Derryn Hinch remarking that “Malcolm Turnbull is well rid of Senator Bernardi, because at least he’s now out there pissing on everybody else”. Keep it classy Derryn.
Meanwhile, Benardi’s new party is already having an identity crisis on social media, with a number of fake twitter accounts popping up claiming to be the genuine article.
FYI @realAuConservs + @AusConservParty are fake accounts, do not represent Australian Conservatives and will be reported to @Twitter #auspol
— Aust Conservatives (@AuConservatives) February 7, 2017
Please disregard all tweets from @AusConservParty and @AuConservatives. These are both spoof accounts.
— Aust Conservatives (@realAuConservs) February 7, 2017
That is untrue and you know it @realAuConservs @AusConservParty
— Aust Conservatives (@AuConservatives) February 7, 2017
@AuConservatives @realAuConservs OK friends, joke’s over. We’re all identical fake accounts run by the same people. HAH!
— Aust Conservatives (@AusConservParty) February 7, 2017
@AusConservParty @AuConservatives @realAuConservs Disgraceful. I have reported all three fraudulent accounts so the truth may be known.
— Aust Conservatives (@Au_Conservative) February 7, 2017
@Au_Conservative @AusConservParty @AuConservatives @realAuConservs Hey guys, does anyone remember which one of us is real?
— Aust Conservatives (@AusConservPty) February 7, 2017
I’ll be honest with you: one of these is the real account for the actual Australian Conservatives. But I’ll leave it to you to figure out which one it is. I also love the mental picture of Cory sitting at his computer tweeting angrily at the fake ones. It’s just so hard to tell where the real bullshit ends and the fake bullshit begins.
The good news is that you can straighten out any confusion by visiting the party’s official website.
According to the official manifesto of the Conservative Rightwing Australia Party, “CRAP is a vital force in the defence of our nation”. CRAP calls for an end to “the age of entitlement”, except in the case of “true battlers” such as “multinational corporations, right-wing media pundits and senators.”
CRAP members should be “strongly opposed to marriage equality, Safe Schools and the homosexual agenda at large, but see nothing strange about George Christensen MP, posing in a singlet, with a whip coiled around his bare biceps“. They’re also expected to be against section 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act, “despite having never come into contact with it, or having it affect [their] life, in any way.”