Tony Abbott Claims Criticisms Of His Chief Of Staff Are “Sexist”; World Implodes From Irony

You could not make this up.

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Mark the date: Friday, December 12, 2014. Today will be remembered from now until the world is swallowed by a vastly-expanded sun, for today is the day Tony Abbott discovered sexism exists, and that it is a Bad Thing.

And by “Tony Abbott” I don’t mean the American author of beloved children’s book The Secrets Of Droon, nor the former British Governor of Montserrat, but the guy who runs a nineteen-person Cabinet with one woman in it. The guy who reacts to seeing women in manufacturing by weirdly sort-of hitting on them. The guy who did this:

That guy.

To explain: Abbott’s chief of staff is a woman named Peta Credlin, who honestly has about as pleasant a job as trying to walk an excited Great Dane through a minefield. In recent weeks backbenchers and Cabinet ministers have begun airing their grievances about the amount of influence she supposedly wields behind the scenes, to the point where Abbott went on ABC News Breakfast¬†this morning to defend her and deliver a rebuke to her critics.

“Do you really think my chief of staff would be under this kind of criticism if her name was Peter as opposed to Peta?”, Abbott asked Lyndal Curtis.

“I think people need to take a long hard look at themselves with some of these criticisms.”

Kind of hope for his sake none of the Coalition party room send him a link to this in reply:

Mind-blowing lack of self-awareness aside, Abbott might actually be on to something; only the Liberal Party themselves would know the extent of Credlin’s power, but she’s not the first powerful unelected person in Canberra. Try and name Julia Gillard’s chief of staff, right now. Or Kevin Rudd’s. Can’t do it? Maybe that’s because they were both dudes, and we’re more used to dudes having lots of behind-the-scenes power than we’re quite comfortable seeing a woman possessing.

Maybe this is a lightbulb-moment for our Prime Minister. Maybe he’ll to quit his job and go on an Eat Pray Love-style journey of discovery to see if this “sexism” thing exists outside Canberra, and if any other dames experience it.

Or not.