Culture

People Are Roasting The Tokyo Olympics “Anti-Sex” Beds That Are Made Out Of Cardboard

Oh no! How will the fittest people on Earth have the strength to put a mattress on the floor????

by Michelle Rennex  19 July 2021
anti-sex beds cardboard tokyo olympics

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People are losing their minds over the Tokyo Olympics introducing “anti-sex” beds to curb the amount of in-room boning happening at the Olympic Village.

With the postponed 2020 games officially starting this Friday and COVID-19 ramping up in Tokyo with an average of 1,000 new cases a day, the Olympic Committee is apparently dedicated to preventing the spread of COVID… and of the legs of athletes.

Teaming up with Japanese bedding company Airweave, athletes at the Tokyo Games will be sleeping on some 18,000 bed frames that are made from recycled cardboard in line with the Olympics Games sustainability plan that was announced in 2018.

However, while cardboard is a lot better for the environment and able to be recycled after the Games, American trackstar Paul Chelimo added that the cardboard beds were also allegedly designed to only hold the weight of one person to “avoid intimacy among athletes”.

“Beds to be installed in Tokyo Olympic Village will be made of cardboard, this is aimed at avoiding intimacy among athletes,” Chelimo tweeted.

“Beds will be able to withstand the weight of a single person to avoid situations beyond sports. I see no problem for distance runners, even four of us can do.”

With a weight limit of 200kg and official advice that no sudden movements should be made on the bed as the structure may collapse, there’s no surprise that the Olympic Village beds are being called “anti-sex”.

Continuing the cock-blocking, along with the anti-sex beds officials have also more than halved the number of condoms given out to athletes in Tokyo compared to what was handed out at the 2016 Rio Games.

Going from 450,000 rubbers to a measly 160,000, officials expect the athletes to take the condoms home to raise awareness for safe sex instead of using them at the Olympic Village.

“Our intent and goal is not for athletes to use the condoms at the Olympic Village, but to help with awareness by taking them back to their own countries,” the Tokyo Olympics Organising Committee told Japan Today.

Basically, if you couldn’t tell, the Tokyo Olympics really don’t want their athletes fucking.

But the funniest part of this whole thing is that officials actually reckon that the fittest people in the world only know how to have sex laying down. And the mere idea that Olympics officials think that some of the strongest and most flexible people on the planet can’t fuck standing up, or don’t know how to slide their mattresses onto the floor, is making people lose their minds.

But luckily for the horny athletes headed to Tokyo, Olympics Gymnast Rhys McClenaghan decided to test just how “anti-sex” these cardboard beds were in the name of science.

“In today’s episode of fake news at the Olympic Games, the beds are meant to be anti-sex. They’re made out of cardboard, yes. But apparently, they’re meant to break at any sudden movements,” McClenaghan said while starting to jump on the bed.

“It’s fake. It’s FAKE NEWS.”

So, there you have it: some great news for any Olympic athletes reading this article. Go on and fuck your way through the Tokyo Games in peace knowing your cardboard anti-sex bed won’t crumble underneath you… hopefully.