Culture

The World’s Most Notoriously Bad Harry Potter Fanfic Is Now A Web Series, And It’s Incredible

My Immortal is about to become your new favourite obsession.

What do you get when you cross the awkward sexual awakening of a mid-2000s mall goth with Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry? You get My Immortal, the greatest and most notorious work of Harry Potter fan fiction ever written.

My Immortal originally appeared on FanFiction.Net between 2006 and 2007. With its fractured plot, incoherent sentence structure and constant fourth wall-breaking on the part of its author Tara Gilesbie, the story quickly became legendary in fan fiction circles.

It tells the story of Ebony (or possibly Enoby) Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, a pale-skinned, raven-haired witch who attends a bizarro version of Hogwarts where goths and preps are constantly at war.

Enoby plays in a band called Bloody Gothic Rose 666 with her pals B’loody Mary, Vampire, Draco and Hagrid, and spends her days obsessing over My Chemical Romance and throwing shade at “fucking poser muggle bitch[es]”.

Enoby is in love with Draco — who is very “sexah” and has “a really huge you-know-what” — but great drama ensues when she learns that Draco is also screwing Vampire, who is actually Harry Potter. Confused? You should be.

My Immortal is the stuff of internet legend. If you’re curious but don’t have the time to devote to all 35 heaving, throbbing, bloodstained, depressive chapters, you don’t have to, because some nice kids have turned the whole thing into a web series.

The six-episode series, produced by a group of dedicated Harry Potter fans, pulls off the near-impossible task of wrenching a coherent narrative from My Immortal, as Enoby Dark’ness Whatever proves herself to be the top goth at Hogwarts.

The three episodes released so far are rife with dodgy production values, terrible accents and unlicensed Smiths and Pixies tracks, and are also utterly hilarious. If the kids who play Snap and Loopin in Episode 3 don’t end up on some sort of cable sitcom somewhere down the line, there’s something very wrong with the world.

Episode 4 is out on August 5, with further installments to follow weekly. Enjoy it, you fucking poser muggle bitches.