Culture

The Sydney Monorail Is For Sale On Gumtree And You Can Probably Afford To Buy It

Monorail! Monorail! MONORAIL!

Sydney’s sadly-extinct monorail was the stuff of folk legend even while it was running. What with the glowing Simpsons-style obituaries, the ingenious university hoaxes, and the strange people trying to make houses out of old monorail stations like friendly urban bridge trolls, it’s clear we feel its loss keenly since it disappeared from the upper eyeline of our hearts.

But all is not lost — we have a chance to save our fair one-track transport maiden from the scrap heap where an unfair world has cast her. A few days ago, nestled between ads for second-hand mattresses and callouts for “friendly female housemate to share single room with lonely 35-yo guy,” details of the Monorail’s circumstances turned up on Gumtree, that great stinking bazaar of Australian internet culture. It’s for sale, and the asking price is eminently reasonable.

gumtree

“The Sydney Monorail carriages are now offered for sale very cheap. Otherwise will sold [sic] for scrap,” reads the enticingly worded ad seemingly written by the living avatar of every lazy stereotype of a Middle Eastern carpet salesman you’ve ever seen. “Use them for anything you like. Good gor [sic] many things.”

Still not convinced? Then check out this sick promotional video, complete with funky music that vaguely feels like the Seinfeld theme tune and some randomly flashing white lights, for when the acid kicks in.

I want to buy this thing. I want the entire Junkee offices to move inside it, so I can write sexy mysteries on an endlessly repeating two-kilometre loop. I swear it Junkee’s only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

Hands off, you vultures. The Monorail is mine. Here are some specs, so you can see my new home.