Culture

The Shovel Slammed The Government With Cold, Hard Facts After MPs Were Caught Trawling Twitter

"Fewer than 10 percent of aged care workers are vaccinated... this is lower than the percentage of federal government ministers who have launched defamation proceedings this year."

the shovel government facts twitter

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Despite The Shovel being a satirical website, their latest series of tweets about the Federal government’s gross incompetence — which are so baffling they genuinely sound fake — are all sadly very true.

Yesterday, The Shovel posted a thread full of nothing but cold, hard facts after Liberal MPs were caught sifting through what ABC staff liked on Twitter instead of focusing on bigger issues like Australia’s mess of a vaccine rollout, the number of alleged sexual assault issues plaguing parliament, and the Biloela family still being stuck in detention.

The whole thing kicked off during Monday’s Senate estimates, where ABC’s managing director David Anderson attended to discuss the legal costs and other matters surrounding Christian Porter discontinuing his case against the ABC. But instead of focusing on the matter at hand, Senators Ben Small and James Patterson decided to grill Anderson about what his staff had liked on Twitter following the settlement.

To prove his point, Smalls even decided to read out a tweet by comedy writer Ben Jenkins that was apparently liked by staff — a tweet that managed to reference both pig manure and heart-patterned boxer shorts in the same sentence.

Naturally, people were disappointed in how much time the government was able to dedicate to trawling through Twitter out of spite for the ABC.

Among those confused was satire site The Shovel, which quickly slammed the government for having their priorities all out of wack after Patterson revealed that a Four Corners executive producer had liked a Shovel tweet about Porter.

“The government knows who likes our tweets but doesn’t know how many aged care workers have been vaccinated,” the site tweeted on Monday.

To follow-up on their original jab, The Shovel have since decided to offer the Federal government some useful information through the form of cold, hard facts in a damning thread they hope the government reads on their next Twitter adventure.

“Now that we know the government spends its time trawling through The Shovel‘s tweets, we’re going to start posting some data that it might find useful…” the thread started.

“Fewer than 10 percent of aged care workers are vaccinated,” it continued. “This is lower than the percentage of federal government ministers who have launched defamation proceedings this year.”

Still keeping with the vaccination theme, The Shovel then turned its sights on the fact that Australia still doesn’t have a single dedicated quarantine facility despite COVID-19 being in Australia for over 500 days.

“There are more photographs of Scott Morrison sitting in a truck than there are dedicated quarantine facilities.”

Continuing to dunk on the government with their own terrifying and damning stats, The Shovel then focused on the alarming number of alleged sexual assault issues plaguing the government.

“Two years after Brittany Higgins was allegedly raped at Parliament House, the Prime Minister doesn’t know who in his office knew about it,” the site tweeted. “This is approximately 729 more days than it took for a Senator to uncover who likes the tweets from a satirical Twitter account.”

“The number of people who took an unsolicited photo of a woman’s underwear and are still employed is higher than the number of people who gave away watches and are still employed,” the thread continued.

“More people have wanked on a desk in parliament house than have taken responsibility for the vaccine rollout.”

Ending the eye-opening thread, The Shovel also touched on some of the stories that have made headlines in recent weeks — like Harvey Norman not repaying the millions of dollars they received in JobKeeper despite turning over a profit of 160 percent and the Biloela family being held in detention on Christmas Island for over 1,000 days.

“Harvey Norman has not been asked to repay $22 million in JobKeeper payments but thousands of Australians were asked to repay Robodebt payments they never received,” the thread concluded.

“One more statistic… The Biloela family have been held in detention for 1,000 days, which is approximately the number of days government MPs have spent on empathy training courses this year.”

Ouch. Now let’s just imagine what might be if the government actually bothered to put in just a smidge of the effort used to stalk what people like on Twitter into addressing literally ANY of these issues.

We can dream, I guess.