There Is Only One Good Twitter Account, And That Is The Museum Of English Rural Life
It is an account populated by pictures of nice cows.
Twitter! It’s like an online watering hole for giant herds of hooting and hollering wildebeest, fresh from trampling Simba’s hot dad, and ready to murder again. It’s awful! Except for one account: The Museum of English Rural Life.
The Museum of English Rural Life is located, physically, at the University of Reading in Berkshire in the United Kingdom. Spiritually, they are located in our hopes and dreams. Their goal, according to their bio, is: “We explore the English countryside, its history and its people. Chaotic Good.”
So what does that mean? And why is it perfect, wholesome, Twitter content?
If you’re sick of being cancelled by Tayla Swiff fans or accidentally reading 150 tweets about why cake is actually bad now, then you’ll be relieved to know that there is an alternative. In 2019, we should only follow The MERL.
Why?
Because instead of trash, we just get a good picture of a cow.
hello if you are not literally this cow right now but you are this cow emotionally pic.twitter.com/WTzhOs1jKL
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 19, 2019
Hello, extremely blocky cow!
Do you feel like you are perhaps missing the joke? That you are perhaps not cognisant of an extremely niche meme? Do not worry! Do not fret! It is simply the joy of a rectangular cow, who you are not literally, but you are emotionally! That is it!
The cow is a gentle joy.
I feel more like this today :) pic.twitter.com/oNLxf6keKE
— Mike Cooling (@archaeomike) June 19, 2019
— Rob Newstead (@Red_Wurm) June 19, 2019
here's a PNG: pic.twitter.com/8GufLl0yA1
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 19, 2019
But it is not simply one good, geometric cow! Not at all!
The Museum of English Rural Life posts ALL SORTS OF GOOD THINGS. Look at this old timey sheep?
sir, your sheep is too much pic.twitter.com/dOy0Zkov7j
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 7, 2019
But it’s not just rural farm animals? No sir. How about this day when they went absolutely insane about SMOCKS. The word, the concept, the garment.
Say it with me: smock.
Smocks are synonymous with the country bumpkin, of red-faced men drunk on cider chewing grass.
That’s unfair. pic.twitter.com/FkXzuH3WL2
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 20, 2019
While most smocks were worn to protect from mud and dirt, people also tended to have their best ‘Sunday Smocks’ which were whiter, more decorative and were often worn with colourful handkerchiefs around the neck. pic.twitter.com/wufOt1Nboo
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 20, 2019
Savour that word in your mouth.
From behind the teeth, a kiss and a click.
s-mo-ck
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 20, 2019
But, @TheMERL, I think the link to your online smock exhibition is broken. I am in tears.
— Tabatha Southey (@TabathaSouthey) June 20, 2019
smock smock
smock smock
smock smock
smock smock— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 20, 2019
**Banging clipboard**
SMOCK. SMOCK. SMOCK. SMOCK.
I cannot stress how gentle and funny this account is. It’s like warm pastoral sun on your horrifying skin.
Look! Is your passion bull semen?
if your passion is also bull semen, you will want to look at this: https://t.co/mSHy92SnLq
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 14, 2019
Look! Meat paste!
hey ma cut me off some meat paste pic.twitter.com/ghZzGAsGFG
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 8, 2019
Look! They have so many tractors! And they are all dirty.
just had an email sent around that work computers are for business use only and any intimate and personal media should not be kept on them but we have 6GB and counting of dirty, dirty tractors being valeted pic.twitter.com/9dlgVHcERs
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 7, 2019
find a mum who looks at you the way this creepy French peasant doll looks at her basket of plastic cheese pic.twitter.com/0HVOubbRDW
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 4, 2019
Basically, I would like to formally thank The MERL for their service. It has a lot of the same energy as this wonderful Facebook page. I will be unfollowing every other account on Twitter extremely soon.
b̸̠̦̝̱̠̃̀̽́̄̍͒͑̎̒̍͐́ė̴͙͌̀͛̀́̎̅̓̀̔͐̈̆a̵͕̖͌̌̔̈̀͑̚̕͠͠ù̸̦̱̖͙͔̳̠͕̥̤̱̆̂̉͜͝ͅt̶̤̥̊̾͋̓̅̓̀̾̿̕̕î̷̬̻̥̖̝̮͓̣̖͖͍̺̫̍́̒͆̍́͠ͅf̷̡̩̭͍̈͊̃u̶̦͕͚̻̮̔̓̀̃̽́̓̒̀̿ḷ̶̨̡̡̝̲̣͆̒ ̴̡͍͈̹͈̫̮̫͓̖̞̈́́̈́̇̈́͊̋̓͐̑̕͜͝ͅḃ̷̡͖̖͔̮͚̟͈̙̱̬̳͖̩̈́͝a̷̡̨̱͇̘͔̞̝͋̔̐̅̑̈̐͜͠b̴̦̝̞̖͈̟̠͉̂̌̈́͆́̊̉̃̌̔̕͜ỳ̵̤͈͙̟̞̗̅̉̾̒̀̆͝ pic.twitter.com/34B9VQKSQA
— The Museum of English Rural Life (@TheMERL) June 7, 2019