Film

A Coalition Of Pissbabies Are Trying To Raise Money To Remake ‘The Last Jedi’ And It’s Hilarious

They've made a poster for their "remake" and oh boy.

by Patrick Lenton  5 July 2018

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The thing about Star Wars is that amongst the legions of normal people who are enthused by space swords and laser planets, there’s also an excessively loud minority of the literal worst people in the world, who give every other fan a bad name. And those pissbabies hate The Last Jedi the most.

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Said pissbabies have been really active lately, absolutely tipping over all the furniture in their mum’s basement because they hated Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi so much. They’ve also forced basically every actress from the films off social media through harassment and bullying. They should all get more jobs and less hobbies, tbh.

In less horrible and more actively ludicrous news, a “team of producers” have generously offered to “remake” The Last Jedi, and are… crowdfunding to make it possible, despite somehow already supposedly having the funds. It’s confusing, because it’s a stupid scheme cooked in a nonsense-pot.

“This is a campaign to provide Disney an opportunity to course correct with the Star Wars franchise,” they say on their website. “The fans are completely divided and the core goal of Star Wars has been abandoned.  The goal is to not make one half of the fandom happy over the other, it is to make a film that the fandom in general as a whole enjoys.”

Hmm.

 “The producers behind this have pledged to cover the budget, but you can pledge an amount to have your voice heard.  You DO NOT have to put financial or personal information in, just an email address and a pledge,” they say, which seems dubious. Who are these mysterious and angry millionaires?

What the so-called remake would actually look like remains open to interpretation, because the cabal of angry dorks aren’t blatantly stating how much they hate women on film. But one amazing artist has made a movie poster that perfectly encapsulates their vision.

Just look at this — Luke Skywalker is ab city, John Boyega is wearing a fedora, there’s some kind of insane new deathstar and Rey is literally back in the kitchen.

Anyway, naturally people are roasting the scheme that somehow vaguely plans to raise enough money to shoot a blockbuster movie while circumventing Disney’s army of lawyers.

Plus, The Last Jedi was actually a great film, just settle down folks. Eat a sandwich, look at a mountain. Do anything other than this.