A Deep Dive Into The Latest (And Completely Bonkers) Taylor Swift Fan Theories
Warning: This shit gets weird.
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that when Taylor Swift fans are left to their own devices, they will use all their brainpower to come up with the most bonkers conspiracy theories known to humankind.
And with no reputation tour to occupy them anymore, and no confirmation of any music to come, right now we’re in the middle of a truly wild whirlwind of fan theories. Over the past week, Swifties have been poring over the singer’s Instagram posts, obsessing over palm trees, a staircase, and a camouflage jacket that she wore in 2017.
Even Taylor Swift herself is aware of the uproar in the fandom — today she posted a photo on her Instagram today, captioned “She just read all the theories”.
Before I jump into the current conspiracies, I want to defend the Swifties by pointing out that Taylor has pulled some tricksy shit before, so there is a precedent for ridiculous theories being correct. Before the album cycle for reputation began, her official website was completely blanked out, but Swift hid secret messages deep in the website’s code including the lyric from her 1989 hit ‘Shake It Off’: “That’s what they don’t see.”
Tech-savvy Swifties found the hidden messages within 24 hours of the website going dark, of course. What did you expect? THIS IS WHAT THEY DO.
Another example: when Swift teased her first single from reputation — ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ — on Instagram, she captioned the video “…ready for it?” Which as we now know was the title of her next single. But no one knew the song ‘… Ready For It?’ existed yet. Except for Swift. She knew.
For all we know, she’s been posting hints about her seventh album for months. Taylor even recently ‘liked’ a fan’s Tumblr post that joked Taylor was probably laughing at all the hints that were right in front of their eyes. This is why her fans have anxiety.
So without further ado, we’re going to run through some of the theories that have been doing the rounds. Dive in, and don’t say we didn’t warn you.
– The album will be about palm trees, because Taylor posted a photo of the Hollywood Hills that featured SEVEN palm trees in it. SEVEN. Like ALBUM NUMBER SEVEN. She also included seven palm tree emojis in the caption.
– The album will feature a collaboration with former rival Katy Perry because Katy Perry once used a palm tree emoji on her Instagram.
– The palm tree Instagram picture is overlaid with a pretty app filter that adds lots of cartoon stars to the image. Some bright sparks have counted 60-61 cartoon stars. This means that music will be released in 60-61 days.
– Some have unfocused their eyes and seen the words “TS7” written in the stars, and “JOE” for Taylor’s current boyfriend, actor Joe Alwyn. THE ALBUM WILL BE ABOUT JOE.
– It will be an album about Calvin Harris (remember that guy she dumped in 2016?) because while they were together they were photographed among PALM TREES (oh yes, the palm trees figure heavily in the theories).
– Taylor posted a photo from the Oscars night of her reclining on a spiral staircase. Depending on whom you speak to in the fandom, she is sitting on the SEVENTH step (counting down from the top of the staircase) or she is sitting on the SIXTH step (counting upwards). SEVEN for album seven, or SIX because the Instagram posts are actually a daily countdown to something.
– OR: her hand is resting on the SEVENTH STEP. IT ALL MEANS SOMETHING.
– It’s also an album about Calvin Harris because in a photo shoot for reputation in 2017 Taylor was wearing a camouflage jacket that had a patch of the number ‘84’ on it. CALVIN WAS BORN IN 1984!
– The ‘84’ patch (from, again, a photo shoot two years ago) has yet more significance: in George Orwell’s novel 1984, the story begins in APRIL. We will get new music in April 2019!!!
– Holy shit while she was in Australia she Instagrammed herself wearing a white tee with illustrations of forget-me-not flowers on it. FORGET-ME-NOTS BLOOM IN APRIL.
– In yet another Instagram post, after the reputation tour finished, she cryptically mentioned that the tour had included 103 instruments. Why include such a detail at such a time? Wait … The 103rd day of the year is the 13th of APRIL. THIRTEEN. THAT’S HER FAVOURITE NUMBER. I think I need to lie down.
– FUCK, the camo jacket from 2017 had SEVEN palm trees on it!!!
– IT’S ALL MAKING SENSE NOW.
– Taylor wore a palm tree patterned outfit in the ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ video, AND on 2018 National Snake Day, it all means something.
– Whoaaa someone saw a ‘3’ and a ‘5’ written in the cartoon stars – that’s the fifth of March definitely for sure! We’re getting new music on the fifth of March!!!
– I’m fine.
– There are five holes in the fence she’s looking through and it’s a countdown even though she didn’t post anything the next day but that’s because she FOUR got, and on the third day she posted her cat looking confused and that cat photo seemed to debunk the theory but also WHAT’S THAT, THERE ARE THREE DOORS IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE CAT PHOTO, we’re getting new music in two days and that’s a fact.
I’m so tired.
But I do believe that TS7 is upon us. If only because when the fandom gets this riled up, it’s usually because Swift is intentionally stirring it. And that means she’s up to something.
Kaitlyn Plyley is a Melbourne-based writer and performer and hardcore Swift conspiracy theorist You can find out more about her work here.