These Stories Of Extreme Procrastination Will Make You Feel Less Garbage

Being a student in this age of technology is just one long lesson in temptation. Should we do our essay, or click around on YouTube until we get carpal tunnel? Study, or binge David Attenborough docos? Read, or Reddit? We’ll hazard a guess and say it’s almost always the latter. We’re the worst!!!

This week, New York Mag published an article titled ‘9 Writers on the Most Outrageous Ways They’ve Procrastinated‘. Some of our favourites include, “Instead of finishing my MA thesis, I got a dog, moved across the country, got married and started a new job” and, “To avoid having to write my dissertation, I once spent a week teaching myself Morse code.” That is some serious avoiding of responsibility. Respect.

In homage to the procrastination we’re all probably committing right now, we took the liberty of asking Junkee staff the most shameful way they’ve avoided doing work. Behold.

Sophie Giles

“Once, I needed to write an essay but decided I needed to learn all the words to Azealia Banks’ 212 first. So I spent a few hours trying to perfect the entire rap before giving up on both tasks and taking a nap. I still can’t rap the entire 212.”

Patrick Lenton

“I did a four year arts degree instead of just finding a job after I graduated the first time. The outside world was so terrifying, that I just enrolled in another degree and hung around the uni bar for a few more years.”

Tahlia Pritchard

“One time I had a freelance article due and for some reason, I kept avoiding finishing the conclusion. In that time, I sat at my computer, read through a job description for my friend, edited her cover letter and her full resume, and sent it back to her so she could apply for this job – all for free while ignoring the fact I could have just finished my article in that time and actually made some MONEY.”

Raen Waghorn-Hughes

“My friend and I drew a portrait of keyboard cat in wet concrete instead of doing essays. To be fair, it was a very accurate depiction.”

Jared Richardson

“When I was at uni, I used to suddenly become consumed by a need to look up specific plot-lines from Neighbours, circa 2001-2007. I needed to remember Sky Mangel’s lesbian fling, Stingray’s fake death, Izzy’s schemes and how Zeke had no Facebook friends. Thankfully, the Wikipedia entries are meticulously detailed.”

Jules LeFevre

“I learned to juggle in the middle of the HSC. Not the two handed, pass-the-ball-between-your-hands juggle, but properly. In the end, I made it through the HSC unscathed — and I still know to juggle, which serves me well when I’m slightly drunk at a bar and want to impress bartenders by juggling limes and lemons (hot tip: this will not impress bartenders).”

Bradley Johnston

“The worst way I have procrastinated is by smoking A LOT of weed and spiralling into a hole of vine compilations. Did I have a good time? Yes. Did I fail a uni course as a result? Yes. Unless you’re my mum reading this. Then no.”

So, yes, you’re a garbage procrastinator. But it’s OK, because everyone else is just as garbage.

(h/t: New York