Music

The First Fake Splendour In The Grass Line-Up Is Here, And It Has A Few Solid Predictions

Sorry, Smashing Pumpkins are (probably) not playing Splendour.

Splendour in the Grass 2019 line-up poster

So as the great Aristotle used to judge the changing of the seasons by the movement of swallows, so to do we judge the approach of the year’s mid-point by the surfacing of extremely fake, inexplicably popular Splendour In The Grass posters.

Yes, the march of time stops for none of us, and despite the empirical fact that Christmas was literally yesterday and no evidence you can summon will change my mind on that particular issue, we’re already approaching the quarter-most point of the year, which means that Splendour In The Grass is four short months away — with the line-up set to drop next month.

Excitingly, the first fake Splendour In The Grass ‘leaked’ line-up is deliciously fake — like, the kind of fake that anyone with two fingers for typing and access to Google will be able to disprove in the time it takes to draw another breath.

A fake poster for Splendour In The Grass

Now, as fellow fake poster spotters will know, the quickest test of a leaked line-up’s validity is how many spelling errors it contains. This particular poster is surprisingly good on that front — most fakies appear to have been copy-edited by a four year old, and this one manages to get some of the trickier names right. But, that said, there are two clear tell-tale mistakes.

First off, Cosmos Midnight isn’t a band. Cosmos’s Midnight is, but that’s not the band listed on this poster. It’s also questionable that the poster lists ‘Multiple Stage’ instead of the ‘Multiple Stages’.

Even more damning still, however, is the misspelling of the Splendour In The Grass website — typing in ‘SpeldouringTheGrass.com’, the website listed on this poster, will take you absolutely nowhere. Festivals might occasionally make mistakes, but none has so far made the mistake of getting its own domain wrong.

Then there’s the question of scheduling. Unlike other posters in the past that have had major acts appearing in two places at once, this one doesn’t have any direct clashes, per se, but it does require a lot of questionable schedules to be true.

For example, Cardi B starts a major U.S. tour two days after Splendour In The Grass.  It’s not impossible that the rapper, who is the mother to a young child, might fly from Australia back home and give herself a single day before she starts a major tour, but it’s extremely unlikely.

It’s also extremely unlikely that rap rave crew Die Antwoord — however great they are as a live act — would be listed as a headliner above acts like Migos.

Anyway, despite the fact that it’s a bad idea to trick your fellow humans with very fake line-ups, this one’s actually got some pretty solid predictions. Tame Impala will be dropping their new record this year, so it would make a lotta sense for them to play the festival. Travis Scott is a good choice too — his ranking so highly in the Hottest 100 with ‘Sicko Mode’ will increase his chances of making a trip. Julien Baker and Maggie Rogers are a bit of a stretch, as they’ve both been scheduled to play in the country recently (Baker had to cancel her shows, admittedly), but they’re exactly the festival’s vibe.

Oh, and the idea of the Smashing Pumpkins reunion heading our way is actually pretty smart. They’re exactly the kind of legacy headliner Splendour loves, and the band has played the country a fair few times before.

So, ya know, stop making fake line-ups — but also kudos to you, random internet trickster.