We Imagined Plots For ‘Skate Jam’, The Doomed But Very Real ‘Space Jam’ Sequel With Tony Hawk
Yesterday, Tony Hawk casually revealed on Twitter the earth-shattering news that he was once in talks to star in ‘Skate Jam’, a sequel to Space Jam that never eventuated.
According to the Tweet, back in 2003, Warner approached him with the film concept as part of their next step in relaunching the Looney Tunes as a franchise.
Then, as per the pro skater, the very next week, Warner released the live-action film Looney Tunes: Back In Action, and it absolutely bombed, grossing US $68.5 million worldwide against its US $80 million budget. ‘Skate Jam’ was immediately dropped.
While we are getting a sequel to Space Jam featuring NBA legend LeBron James — one produced by Black Panther director Ryan Coogler, no less — it’s hard to not wonder what could have been. Tossing and turning all night, we sketched out three treatments for Skate Jam. We are putting these out into the universe in sheer desperation.
in 2003, I was requested to meet with Warner Brothers about doing a film tentatively titled “Skate Jam.” They were bringing back Looney Tunes with “Back In Action” & then wanted to start on my project immediately. A week later Back In Action bombed & Skate Jam was shelved forever pic.twitter.com/9giKzBnlWH
— Tony Hawk (@tonyhawk) January 5, 2019
Skate Jam: Let’s Shred, Tony Hawk!
If the original Space Jam is a reimagining of Michael Jordan’s life, but with Looney Tunes hijinks and something about him saving the world with Bill Murray in a basketball game (?), then it follows, logically, that Skate Jam could go the same route with Tony Hawk.
Skimming Hawk’s life on Wikipedia, I see he grew up in 1970s San Diego — he was a ‘hyperactive’ boy with an extremely high IQ, so to exert energy he started skateboarding. A perfectionist, he was a professional by age 14.
Okay, we can work with this. One time, a young, boisterous Tony (Shia LaBeouf, circa Even Stevens) is skating at the local skatepark. It’s sunset. His friends are saying they have to go home: it’s dinnertime, but despite the grumble in Tony’s stomach, his true hunger is perfecting his tricks. They leave — and just as he’s about to nail the 900 trick that’d become his signature later in life — something crashes into the field.
Inside a space-ship is Taz, the Tasmanian Devil. He hides him ET-style in a cupboard, and together, over the years, they work to reign in their hyper behaviour. We fast forward to 2003, where Hawk (Tony Hawk) is about to compete in a big competition. Another spaceship crashes, and he and Taz have to team up to save the world — one shred at a time.
The film features cameos from the cast of Jackass, and features a musical performance from Avril Lavigne.
Skate Jam: Tony Hawk’s True Story
Now THAT’s what I call a movie poster.
Like 8 Mile, this Skate Jam is a gritty dramatisation of Tony Hawk’s rise to fame. Unlike 8 Mile, this one’s completely fabricated.
In this re-imagining, we first meet a young Tony Hawk (Haley Joel Osment) struggling to sleep. Downstairs, his parents scream at each other. The only thing that makes him get through the night is a plush toy of Marvin the Martian, who he holds.
Years later, we meet Tony (Tony Hawk) grown up, in his ’20s. He is working three jobs to support himself and his girlfriend (Tara Reid), an aspiring singer.
When they are not hustling, Tony is at the skate park, trying his tricks. A talent scout says he has moves, and gives him his card — at a party that night, Tony tells his best friend Magic (Matthew Lillard) that it could be a ticket out of here. But Magic says he’s got the perfect escape — it’s called drugs, baby, and it’s bad news.
What follows is a heartbreaking then heartwarming story of a drug-addicted skater who under the pressures of going professional turns to harder and harder street-drugs, each named after a Looney Tune who come to life with every high, and stalk him menacingly at every low. Half-psychological horror, half heart-warming story of overcoming adversity, it’s only when Tony is about to lose it all that he remembers Marvin — and his real childhood dream, to open a jam business.
From racking up lines (‘skating’) to jam-ming (‘making jam’), Tony Hawk is a revelation in this raw, revealing film. Thom Yorke composes the score, and Jim Jarmusch directs.
Skate Jam: Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Frankie Muniz (Frankie Muniz) is on-set of Shred It, Skyler, a new action film. He plays the titular role, a skateboard-obsessed teen who while shredding his way to the top of a national skating competition, accidentally unearths a conspiracy to brainwash the masses when they tune in live to the televised finale.
“It’s kind of Josie & The Pussycats, but with skateboarding,” we hear Frankie tell a reporter visiting him on set (truthfully, it’s really just Agent Cody Banks shifted around a little bit). When they ask if he does his own tricks, Frankie is reluctantly pressured into showing his skills. At the top of a ramp, we hear his heart beat louder and louder: then, he faints.
We then see Tweedy Bird watching from nearby bushes — concerned, she grabs a cartoon cellphone and calls an unknown figure. No sound comes out, but subtitles let us know Tweedy is saying ‘get here as thwoon as you can’.
To the tune of Good Charlotte’s ‘The Anthem’, the camera shows Tony Hawk jumping out of the back of a van with an assortment of Looney Tunes characters. Over the next 79 minutes, they teach Frankie Muniz how to skate in a one-shot, real-time scene, shot from afar.
In the background at the 32-minute mark, Good Charlotte walk by and call out encouraging things. There is no music beyond that first scene: only diegetic sound. The Looney Tune characters never speak due to a pay dispute with the voice actors, who include Elijah Wood, Kate Winslet, Jack Black and Daniel Day Lewis. All remain listed in the end credits for confusing contractual reasons.
Jared Richards is a staff writer for Junkee, and doesn’t remember the first Space Jam film very well at all. Follow him on Twitter.