Australia’s First World Cup Game Proved That It Really Is The Hope That Kills You

You can pinpoint the exact second Australia's World Cup hopes were crushed.

world cup

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Australia’s beloved Socceroos made their 2022 FIFA World Cup debut in the early hours of this morning and you know what? For a hot minute, things felt good. But as we know all too well (10-minute version) at this point, there is nothing good in this world, and it really is the hope that kills you.

In a cruel twist of fate, our first game of the World Cup saw us up against reigning champions, France — whose team is worth a cool and normal $900 million and features the likes of Kylian Mbappe.

But while critics doubted our ability, many fans — myself included — woke up with what felt like enough sheer hope and optimism to get us over the line against one of the best teams in the world. Spoiler alert, we were wrong. So. Very. Wrong.

The Socceroos were off to a good start, with Adelaide United’s Craig Goodwin scoring a goal in the ninth minute that sent the entire Australian internet into a full-blown meltdown. I mean it when I say fans were convinced we were winning the whole competition at this point.

Honestly, if you were smart enough to turn off the television at around the 20-minute mark, you’d be having the best day of your life right now. But if you actually stuck around to watch the absolute carnage that ensued from that moment on, my heart goes out to you.

Let me break it down for you with a quick play-by-play:

27 minutes in: France scores.

30 minutes in: France scores. Again.

31 minutes in: kid’s crying. I’m kid.

45 minutes + 1 minute in: Australia has a second chance, Jackson Irvine shoots. He hits the post.  The nation’s hearts collectively shatter.

56 minutes in: Cumdog enters. The crowd goes wild.

68 minutes in: France scores again. It becomes clear that not even Cumdog is going to be enough to beat a team with Mbappe.

70 minutes in: France rubs salt in the wound with another goal.

And if you look carefully, you can pinpoint the exact second Australia’s hopes and dreams were crushed.

Sadly, we did not get Tony Armstrong screaming in absolute elation in Fed Square. He is probably somewhere crying into his mum’s scarf and honestly? Same.