Culture

The Internet Has Just Learned About Cumdog, The Socceroos’ New Striker

"Now I’m in Australia, everyone is calling me the Cumdingo. So the Cumdog or Cumdingo, no problem."

by Lavender Baj  23 September 2022

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New Socceroos striker Jason Cummings has made major waves on social media overnight, despite not actually being named in the team for last night’s friendly against New Zealand. Why, you ask? Well, my friend, because bitches love the Cumdog.

Cummings, 27, previously represented Scotland but has switched his allegiance to our beloved Socceroos after an impressive opening season at the Central Coast Mariners caught the attention of coach Graham Arnold.

But talent isn’t the reason Cummings has won the adoration of the internet overnight. Instead, social media went wild after learning his nickname — the ‘Cumdog’ — which started trending on Twitter when it was revealed he wasn’t named in the team.

Despite being born and raised in Scotland, Cumdog is technically eligible to represent Australia at an international level because he holds dual citizenship through his Aussie mother.

“Scotland never qualify for World Cups. I always had in the back of my head, coming to Australia and playing for the national team,” he told the SMH of his vaguely Australian roots. “I love Australia. It’s an honour to be here. Obviously, with my mum being born here and stuff, and my brother being here, we’ve always had a nice soft spot for Australia. Even my mum’s house is full of Australia merchandise. It’s a big part of our family.”

And honestly, that is such a treat for us because there is truly nothing more Australian than some dude named Cumdog who also has a reputation for running around in his jocks and just being an all-round chaos machine.

In a recent Q&A on the Socceroos Instagram page, Cummings gave some insight into the origins of his iconic nickname — noting that he interchangeably goes by “Cumdingo” now that he’s in Australia.

“I got that nickname, it was my wrestling nickname,” said Cummings on Instagram. “I wrestled some guy called Grado, he was a wrestler in Scotland, and he came in when I was at Hibs.

“He came in and he was giving it the big one so I chucked on the spandex, put ‘Cumdog’ on the chest and I battered him.

“The rest was history. Everyone’s called me Cumdog since then but now I’m in Australia, everyone is calling me the Cumdingo. So the Cumdog or Cumdingo, no problem.”

The non-football world seemingly only learned of his nickname last night when he was robbed of a place in the squad, prompting the rest of the internet to ask “what the hell is cumdog”?

But just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any better, it’s worth noting that Subway — creators of the cursed ‘Subdog’ — was recently announced as the Socceroos naming partner ahead of the upcoming FIFA World Cup in Qatar.

I mean it when I say I do not want to live in a world where Subway doesn’t capitalise on this with a Footlong Cumdog Subdog.

It remains unclear if Cumdog will actually make the final 26-man World Cup squad — considering he’s up against other strikers like Jamie Maclaren and Adam Taggart, but for the sake of an entire World Cup worth of cum jokes, we can only hope he makes the cut.