People Have The Shits With This Slanted Toilet Designed To Improve Worker Productivity
"If i see these at work, I am going to shit in the sink every day."
You know the saying: Time is money.
And apparently UK start-up have created a slanted toilet to make you stop wasting company time and money.
The alleged design looks like any other run-of-the-mill toilet, but has the addition of a 13-degree downward slant. The product images of the StandardToilet doing the rounds on Twitter, claims that the “13-degree sitting angle causes leg strain after five minutes.”
BREAKING NEWS: Say goodbye to comfort breaks! New downward-tilting toilets are designed to become unbearable to sit on after five minutes. They say the main benefit is to employees in improved employee productivity. pic.twitter.com/lfDbeXJdCX
— Dave Vescio (@DaveVescio) December 17, 2019
While other publications have reported the StandardToilet as a sure thing, there’s actually no trace of the start-up or product on the internet. Nor is there any LinkedIn profile for Mahabir Gill, the company developer dishing out quotes on the new invention.
While chatting with Daily Mail, Mahabir shared that the £150 – £500 toilet is supposedly designed to “increase strain on the legs similar to a gentle squat thrust.” The bonkers toilet design aims to target the costs of the “extended employee breaks” which make businesses lose money. Because God forbid someone chuck a shit on company time, hey?
But it’s not all bad, apparently all that StandardToilet leg strain is good for you! Mahabir reckons “the engagement of upper and lower leg muscles… helps reduce musculoskeletan disorders.”
The developer also shared that 13-degrees is the perfect slant to make people uncomfortable without causing long-term issues. “Anything higher would cause wider problems,” Mahabir said. “Thirteen degrees is not too inconvenient, but you’d soon want to get off the seat.”
While there’s no actual proof that this toilet concept is real, the fact it’s actually at all believable is a point of concern. After being shared to Twitter, people began to point out how the evil toilet is capitalism gone mad.
Capitalism is seriously the most sinister and outright evil shit in history https://t.co/bNU3H2NzWr
— the mustache thread guy (@dagotron) December 17, 2019
Good to know that while wages are stagnant, corporate America still has the money to punish workers for a minute of time to themselves.
— Nice Boy Billy (@Your_Pal_Billy) December 17, 2019
the ruling class will never stop finding ways to squeeze every ounce of labor out of the workers. gross.
— online nobody (@online_nobody) December 17, 2019
Well I guess you can add “Taking a shit in peace at work” to the list of things late stage capitalism has robbed us of.
— Veteran of a 1000 Pizza Wars (@DanielMadison78) December 17, 2019
Others highlighted that if workers are escaping to toilets for so long that it’s impacting costs, there’s bigger issues at hand and likely better ways to boost productivity.
Listen, if your employees are trying to escape work by sitting on a goddamn TOILET, the problem with the job isn’t the toilet, it’s with the job. https://t.co/dl2TScArhf
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) December 17, 2019
imagine if we gave the money that was just spent engineering Capitalism Toilet, to shit like reducing work hours or upping employee benefits if employers actually wanted a rise in productivity https://t.co/fe2dXjg1CW
— jessica a.m. ☂ (@my2k) December 17, 2019
The discussion around the Capitalism Toilet also addressed the legal issues around the lavatory design for people with illnesses.
Or legit need to use the restroom… Imagine having a rough bowel movement and you’re slipping off the throne. Really, this just reinforces a punishment to more people who deserve a bit of rest.
Also I don’t understand how this is ADA compliant, if it was even considered at all
— Francis (@Frrancis) December 17, 2019
this is violence against the disabled and anyone with IBS
— Rev. Poppy Alter Santa (@poppy_haze) December 17, 2019
But most just took the opportunity to make jokes about the StandardToilet, offering similar money-making ideas and solutions to combat to the new design.
In unrelated news, introducing my 13 degree toilet seat attachment
— The Vaporwave Guy (@5five0oh4four) December 17, 2019
shitwedge™
— thisannoyedme (@thisannoyedme) December 17, 2019
if you pack enough toilet paper on top of the seat you can fix the angle, plus then your company has to pay more for toilet paper. win/win
— chirping bird (@ChrpngBrd) December 17, 2019
While the slanted toilet may not exist yet, the idea that something so wicked could be real is frightening and we really can’t help but laugh through the pain.
*while the boss bangs on the door for ten minutes* pic.twitter.com/RW8nxEjDw6
— Clayton Cubitt (@claytoncubitt) December 17, 2019
if i see these at work i am going to shit in the sink every day https://t.co/vtRAk4Hwab
— misanthrope 🌽💀🐟 (@pug_burger) December 17, 2019
these are the toilets we're gonna be w*terboarding rich ppl in when the revolution begins https://t.co/AUBAel7iob
— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) December 17, 2019
pushing myself to fight back against the downward tilting toilet for a minute more each day until my legs are strong enough to kick my boss's head off backwards like a pez dispenser
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) December 17, 2019
Happy un-slanted shitting, y’all!