Six steps to surviving public transport after a night out
It’s a modern day Cinderella story. The clock strikes 1.30 and whomp, it’s time to go. You can’t really feel your feet anymore and your hair has gone flat. So, you check your travel app. Oh no.
You’ve got less than 14 minutes to get to the station.
“Boi bai!” you cry to your nightclub boy, yanking your friend away from her very own hair-gelled paramour.
“But how will I find you?” Nightclub boy calls after you. “Princess?”
Oh nightclub boy. We’ll never know what could’ve been.
You run, your heart beating in time with your watch. But it’s too late. You were too slow. The train pulls out of the station, dragging your hopes and dreams behind it. Somewhere, someone is playing the violin.
Urgh.
Worse than a pumpkin, your carriage has turned into the horror that is the Night Rider bus.
We’ve all been here. I can’t speak for my intestate neighbours, but public transport in Sydney can be demoralising at the best of times. It’s particularly heartbreaking after a night out. Luckily, Hijacked is here with some tips on how to make it better.
Plan ahead
There’s nothing worse than being stuck waiting in the cold for the next train. Or for the inevitable darkness of grief and old age to take you. Whatever comes first? When you’re at a train station it feels like the same thing anyway.
Memorise that timetable; you’ll thank yourself in the end.
Snacks
Chips! Halal snack packs! Pizzaaaaa! You need energy for your travels!
Get into it guys, you don’t know when your next meal might be.
Pick your seats carefully
Avoid the girl with the green-tinged face. You know she’s going to erupt like a prawn taco and rosé volcano in a matter of minutes. Seconds, even.
Be wary of cheerful people, they’re going to talk loudly the whole way home and no one likes a murderer. Mmkay?
Face forwards if you can and keep your head up. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
You can do this.
Bring a travel buddy
There’s safety in numbers. Don’t ditch your friends, guys. It’s a really bad look.
Remember, your nightclub pals are family, and in the words of Lilo, "family means no one gets left behind".
Keep your shoes on
As a child, my parents always sang a songs to me, “Put your shoes on Lucy, don’t you know you’re in the city?” What sort of anti-shoe terror child was I? I do love to feel the wiggle of my toes.
At any rate, a valuable lesson was learnt at a young age; if you can keep your shoes on, keep them on. Otherwise your feet will swell and then when you need to put your shoes back on everything is going to be horrible.
Just keep swimming
It’s all going to be OK. Keep this in mind when times get tough, chicken. A good attitude will take you far. So far – it may even take you all the way home.
Lucy Dean
Lucy studies journalism and Spanish at the University of Wollongong. She’d work a pun into everything if she could.