The World Has Discovered Australia’s Obsession With Shoeys, And We Should All Be Ashamed
Thanks guys, now E.T. Canada is running headlines like, "Kacey Musgraves Backtracks, Does A ‘Shoey’ And Drinks Alcohol Out Of A Shoe For Aussie Fans".
It’s been a big few weeks for shoeys. First, chanting crowds demanded that Post Malone yeet a whole bunch of liquor into a boot and down it, which he did, because of course he did.
And then Kacey Musgraves stood firm against her crowd’s attempt to get her to drink out of the least hygenic vessel imaginable, only to later acquiesce and slurp some tequila out of a crystal slipper.
And listen, maybe you are okay with this being the way that Australia presents itself to the world. But you probably shouldn’t be. Shoeys are a national shame, and we should treat them the way that every country on earth treats its national shame — by buring that shit deep down, and talking about it only in hurried whispers, away from the press.
If you are a musician asked to do a shoey, accept the shoe, tip out the liquid, throw it side of stage, wash it, add it to your collection, find size matches in your collection and then give the wearable pairs to the homeless.
— Dave McCarthy (@iamdavemccarthy) May 15, 2019
It’s not just that shoeys are gross and unhygenic, though they are definitely that. It’s not even that nobody is entirely clear where the shoey came from. It is that there is something so deeply uncool about the process of asking a performer to do a shoey. Most of the time, these musicians do not know what they are being asked to do. Hence, there is a weirdly hostile element to the whole process.
These people are in a new country that they’ve heard so many nice things about, and then before they know it a baying crowd is demanding what they eventually work out to be a request that they slurp some warm beer out of a trainer. Shit sucks, basically.
Anyway, thanks to the incidents with Musgraves and Malone, the secret that we are a horde of shoe-slobberers has hit international press, producing such galling headlines as “Kacey Musgraves Backtracks, Does A ‘Shoey’ And Drinks Alcohol Out Of A Shoe For Aussie Fans”.
i can't believe kacey musgraves not doing a shoey in sydney made worldwide news.
— jackson langford (@jacksonlangford) May 15, 2019
So yeah, good work guys, now everybody knows what a bunch of fucking grotbags we are.
— The FADER (@thefader) May 15, 2019
— ET Canada (@ETCanada) May 15, 2019
i just learned what a shoey is…
Australia you’re going to hell pic.twitter.com/53qEQf8lBT
— Victor 🦋✨🚀 (@victxrrrs) May 13, 2019
The audacity to demand this!!! Australians are out of control!
Kacey Musgraves refused a crowd request to do a 'shoey' at her Sydney show https://t.co/S6cwcqTMvq
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) May 13, 2019
— Perez (@ThePerezHilton) May 14, 2019
Me googling what a “shoey” is pic.twitter.com/WU8ERzBjxc
— Anthony (@_BrooklynBatman) May 13, 2019
It’s time to repress this bizarre fetish once and for all.