Scott Morrison Reckons Us Aussies Are A Lot Like Winx, A Horse
Winx epitomises the ideal of 'fair go for those who have a go', according to a Prime Minister about to enter election season.
Winx is an eight-year-old racehorse who has won over 30 competitions, netting a lot of rich people a lot more money. She is also, according to our Prime Minister Scott Morrison, an embodiment of the Australian ideal of the fair go.
Morrison, who is about to fight an uphill battle towards a hotly contested election, made the comments to assembled reporters over the weekend.
“Australians have caught the passion of Winx,” Morrison said.
“And it’s not just Winx that has captured the hearts and minds, but it’s been her owners and trainers as well.
“I’ve met them, and shared some stories with them as well, and they for me epitomise that ‘fair go for those who have a go’ and I think that’s the story of Winx,” Morrison announced.
“They’re the things that I believe in, and that’s why I can celebrate along with all Australians.”
— Sky News Australia (@SkyNewsAust) April 7, 2019
Again: it’s election season. This is the kind of jingoistic, only vaguely comprehensible nonsense that our politicians are going to spew non-stop for about six weeks now, and we just have to sit there and take it.
But, not to get all vegan rights on ya, there’s something distinctly bizarre about Morrison deciding that a racehorse best exemplifies the Australian spirit. After all, the life of a racehorse is not a pleasant one. Horses often begin their training from the age of two onwards, when their bones are not developed enough to take the rigours of track work, leaving them with lifelong deformities.
Dad: Scott Morrison says be like Winx, "have a go and you'll get a go".
Dave: What's that mean?
Dad: It means, be happy living off oats while getting flogged by the bloke riding on your back and taking your earnings.
Dave: ScoMo's "backing it in"!?
— Seano (@SeanBradbery) April 7, 2019
— John Cooper (@john_JustFacts) April 7, 2019
Scott Morrison, fresh off the bat from his Borat impression in parliament and pulling another incredible thought from his big genius brain: Winx the horse is an example of how if you have a go, you can have a fair go
— Its Ya Boy, Uh, Skinny Penis (@ronniemandias) April 7, 2019
Scott Morrison: have a go to get a fair go, like Winx the horse
— Urthboy (@urthboy) April 7, 2019
From there, they’re stabled individually, locked up and denied social contact, leaving them moody and depressed. Then there’s the training itself, which is so intense that it can cause stress-related injuries — a study conducted in 2000 found that 89% of racehorses had ulcers.
So yeah — not exactly the fairest of fair gos, hey Scott?
Anyway, here’s to Bill Shorten holding a press conference of his own in which he’ll say the Australian spirit is best exemplified by a crumpet or some shit.