Please Enjoy This Deeply Cooked Christmas Song About Getting Cucked By Santa
"Well I heard that you were kissing my wife," the song begins. "You came down the chimney, and ruined my life."
Santa Claus is unbearable horny.
We have known this for years now. Not only does the man exude raw sexual energy in literally every depiction of him ever made — cinematic or otherwise — but most Christmastime songs are about how much the dude loves to fuck.
Think, ‘I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus‘, ‘Santa Claus Got Stuck In My Chimney’, and of course, ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree’, all songs that exude a terrible, bestial lust.
Well, now an Australian act has gotten into the horny Yuletide fun, with a new song all about getting cucked by the big man himself.
Meet Melbourne-based “cruise ship musician” Rick Sextant and his fiery sonic letter to the red suit-wearing reprobate who whisked away his wife, a little ditty called ‘Mingle with Kringle.’
“Well I heard that you were kissing my wife,” the song begins. “You came down the chimney, and ruined my life.”
From there, things only get wilder, with Sextant outlining the moment that everything changed, and Christmas was ruined for him forever.
Sextant is the comedic creation of James Colley, a writer for Gruen and The Weekly, and Fraser Harvey, a one-time member of the band Cameras.
Watch the whole bizarre mess here: