‘RuPaul’s Drag Race UK’ S3E9 Recap: Ella Va Chance Of Winning

For sale: dirty rice, barely eaten. After last week’s non-elimination, we wind up with almost the exact same outcome — Ella wins again, Kitty comes in second again, Vanity and Krystal are in the bottom, again. This time, we get a lip-sync for your life, and while Vanity is definitively a lip-sync assassin (DRUK‘s second, after Tayce?), it’s her time to go.

In her post-sashay interview, Vanity herself admits she expected to be the season’s first out: she’s a green queen, and has grown a lot throughout filming.

There are exceptions (Valentina, Ella!), but generally, baby queens could always benefit from a little more experience before heading on the show to build up their personas.

No question Vanity’s got a lot of raw talent and charm, but this week’s roast proved she’s yet to land on who she is as a performer: the judges credited brief moments where she ad-libbed with the crowd of eliminated queens, but to me, those were the most forced parts. If Scarlett was relying on her one talent, Vanity’s was relying on the words ‘dirty rice’.

At the same time, I’m glad we got to see lots of Vanity: I think a lot of sudden/underserved sashays could’ve rounded out the top four (Charity, River, Veronica, Victoria), but she offered a lot in werkroom discussions, has a natural warmth and some really stunning looks. I will also eat dirty rice ASAP, and for that, I am already thankful.

This week, our top four take on a ‘Heavenly Roast’, where they dress as angels, confess their sins and make fun of the judges and eliminated queens. It’s an episode of no surprises, but it’s a great journey all the same.

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As the queen with the most badges, Ella gets to choose the line-up order: her tactic is to go “rubbish, good, rubbish, good”, which means Krystal, herself, Vanity, Kitty. Even the queens know how that’ll go. Kitty and Ella are mighty confident at this point, with Krystal aware that she just has to get through the challenge, rather than ace it, and Vanity seemingly hoping she can also scrape through.

Unlike most roasts, we don’t see the queens workshop their jokes with a judge or guest comedian. Instead, Ella and Vanity have a very unprompted conversation about childhood, masculinity and playing with dolls. Sometimes I feel like these conversations aren’t for me and that Drag Race has a straight platonic viewer in mind, but so what? Yes, we’ve heard these things before (or, uh, lived them), but I don’t mind. More time to scroll through Instagram and slowly unfollow/mute all of the shirtless artists and creatives who make me feel awful about my life: where’s THAT queer representation?

Krystal opens the roast, in front of the eliminated queens, the judges and Kathy Burke (I thought we might get some Untucked action with the whole cast, but looks like that comes next week). The Gone Girls look good, and Anubis is barely recgonisable without her up-do.

Krystal has a clever idea of basing her set around confessing her ‘sin’ that she’s a virgin, but it just involves repeating that she’s really young and everyone else is old. Veronica heckles, then Ru does too, but it doesn’t necessarily throw Krystal, who doesn’t buckle under the pressure. She doesn’t do well, but she also doesn’t ever seem uncomfortable — like the judges say, she has a certain charm on-stage.

Ella’s up next, and absolutely kills it. I genuinely laughed! She’s in command on-stage and clearly enjoying herself, relishing lines about ‘Anus-puss’ going ‘Onya-bus’ after the first episode and Victoria ‘knee-sliding’ into her DMs. It’s a joy.

Vanity has some moments, like joking about how as the only black queen this season she assumed she’d be ‘killed’ off the show first, but overall the jokes aren’t quite right. It’s not cringe, but the punchlines just need work: it sounds like a first draft at the moment. Then there’s the unscripted read of a witchy Charity ‘Elpheba’ Kase, “you look like – you look like some uh, uh, green-looking person”.

Kitty closes out, and while the judges heap praise on her being a natural, the set was pretty uneven. A few jokes didn’t land, and compared to Ella, she’s a little too reliant on her notes and less assured on stage.

The runway continues with the goddess theme, and it’s hit after hit, Ella aside. Her runways are always almost great, which is where her newness to drag shows — there’s a lack of finesse that’ll come with time.

In Untucked, the queens get messages from home: we learn that Ella’s boyfriend is also generically handsome, that Krystal’s family all have tiny heads; that Vanity’s husband has a sweet accent, and that Kitty’s parents have two dogs that look remarkably similar to Cub Sport’s Eve and Missy.

Ella nabs her fourth badge, all given since the fourth episode: like Bimini, she’s arrived in the tail-wind of the season. Unlike Bimini, there’s no season front-runner to contend with, as while Krystal had two wins at the start, it’s pretty clear the show’s not going to crown her. That leaves Kitty, who feels more like a UK winner in that she has a distinctly British personality/style — plus, while she has two badges, she easily could have double that if this was Jared Richards’ Drag Race. Surely that counts for something.

Before Vanity’s sent away, we get a stun lip-sync to Dua Lipa’s ‘Hallucinate’ from her and Krystal. It’s neck-and-neck, but it’s simply Vanity’s time. For the finale, the top three take on a rendition of Ru’s ‘Hey Sis It’s Christmas’, as time has melted.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race UK S3 is available on Stan, with episodes arriving each Friday 6am AEST.

Jared Richards is Junkee’s Drag Race recapper, and a freelance critic who has written for The Guardian, The Monthly, NME and more. He’s on Twitter @jrdjms