Culture

Roxy Jacenko Has Begged Her Mystery Poo Jogger To Please Leave Her Alone

Poo saga: Day 2.

Roxy Jacenko on The Project

I mean, you either know what the headline to this story means, in which case you can probably skip down to the video of Australian socialite Roxy Jacenko on The Project pleading with her mystery poo jogger to leave her alone, or you need a little more context. In which case, let’s take this nice and slow.

So: Jacenko is something of a minor Australian celebrity. She’s best known for her appearance on Celebrity Apprentice Australia, and for being one of those media figures who’s always kind of just around.

Earlier this week however, Jacenko took on a new role: amateur detective. She took to her Instagram to share the news that someone had been mysteriously dropping poos on the doorstep of her office — note the plural. Jacenko says it’s happened multiple times a day for about three weeks.

Desperate for the fecal nightmare to end, Jacenko asked her fans to help her identify whoever was leaving these unwanted gifts.

Hours later, and the story thickened considerably. A local cafe owner piped up to say that he didn’t recognise the jogger, and noted that they could have potentially used his establishment’s bathroom — which is signposted and open.

Clearly then, this was not some random mistake, a moment of getting caught literally with one’s pants down. Instead, this seemed deliberate — like Jacenko really was being targeted with these logs.

Right, reckon you’re all caught up to speed now, so there’s nothing left to do other than to drink in the sight of a minor celebrity appearing on a nationally syndicated news and current affair show to beg for respite from pooey gifts.

“If this lady has seen [my social media posts], I hope she stops now and finds a portaloo,” Jacenko said. “Of which there are many around the suburbs in Sydney.”

Watch the whole thing below.