Our (Unsolicited) Top Picks To Replace Justin Roiland In ‘Rick And Morty’
Critics of the Adult Swim animation Rick and Morty were vindicated last month after voice actor Justin Roiland was dumped from the show after being charged with a felony count of domestic violence against an ex-partner.
Roiland’s departure has left the show in a pickle; how can a cartoon with an unfortunate reputation as an edge-lord tabernacle survive the recasting of not one but two central characters? Well, I have some ideas.
The Safe Choice: Michael Cera Was Born To Play Morty
Cera’s the obvious choice, seeing as a casting callout for the new Morty requires a mild-mannered, squeaky-voiced man-child with a spotless public record. To this end, there’s literally nobody who better fits the bill. Arrested Development era Cera is essentially what Morty’s character design is based on anyway, so it’s a snug fit. Also: it may make you feel alarmingly old to know that Cera is now 34, and a dad! Maybe he’d have reservations about revisiting an old typecast, but I hope not.
Let The Rip The Dogs Of War: Let The ‘Blues Clues’ Guy Cook
Steve Burns, the mysterious host of the children’s show Blues Clues apologised for ghosting millennials after dropping off the map over twenty years ago. Apparently, the pressure of staying pure in the minds of thousands of children across the globe got the better of him, eventually resulting in Burns acting out by crashing a kids birthday party while on a date with a Playboy model. Fortunately, this messy career trajectory is perfect for a prospective Morty! Who better to embody the frequently traumatised cartoon teenager than someone who experienced ego-death from the pressures of children’s television?
White Lotus Grandpa F. Murray Abraham Is Rick Writ Large
Fresh from playing the sleazy father of Michael Imperioli in The White Lotus season 2, F.Murray Abraham was visibly shocked on the red carpet of the Golden Globes after being cheered on by adoring fans. “Is this what a career resurgence feels like?” the 83-year-old seasoned actor probably asked himself. But life is a gamble, and what better way to stake all this newfound goodwill than by reprising everyone’s least favourite animated grandfather? Put it all on red, I say.
Bob Katter Is Ready For His Animated Debut
A fierce impatience towards identity politics? Check. An oratory style known for ranting, directionless diatribes? Check. A strong mistrust of traditional authority figures? Check. Forget Pickle-Rick, It’s Gerkin Bob!
Bob Katter might as well be an Australian Rick from an alternate dimension. It’s very unfair that we’ve failed to recognise where the wisened politician’s true talents lie: in helming a confused adult cartoon ostensibly about toxic masculinity, mostly comprised of fart and penis jokes.
Sadly dear readers, as enjoyable as this speculation has been — knowing that animation studios routinely preference Hollywood leading men — we can expect Chris Pratt to be announced as both Rick and Morty any day now.