Why I Should Have Told My Friends About My Mental Illness

While there has been a lot of effort to lift the negative stigma attached to mental health issues, it still impacts the way people with mental illness are perceived and treated. It can cause feelings of shame, distress and hopelessness. It can affect a person’s ability to share how they’re feeling and it can also stop them from seeking or accepting help.

In my case, hiding what I was experiencing was a symptom of my illness.  I thought it was a good idea to hide my eating disorder from my friends. Secretive behaviour around eating is a common warning sign that someone might have an eating disorder. My eating disorder made me think it was better to do it alone, and that’s how I felt, completely alone.

I told my friends I’d struggled with depression. It happened before we’d met and I found it easy to talk about the past, the things I’d overcome. Confessing how I was feeling now, in the present, was more difficult.

I wondered what my friends would think of me if told them. Would they look at me differently? Would it change our relationship? Would they understand how I was feeling?

“…hiding what I was experiencing was a symptom of my illness.”

When I finally decided to visit a psychologist she told me not to tell my friends.  This was the feedback I was looking for. After years of telling myself I’d been doing something wrong, I finally thought “I’m doing something right.” Somehow my choice to hide the truth from my friends was going to help me get better.

It has taken me a while to understand why my psychologist advised me to keep my eating disorder a secret. At a time when I felt completely isolated, she had the opportunity to help me expand my support network. Instead, she prolonged my isolation. I realise now it was because she didn’t know my friends. She couldn’t be sure how they’d react.

But engaging in open, honest conversations about mental illness is the first step in breaking down the negative stigma. Being courageous and talking about it openly will encourage other people to share their stories too. More people talking about mental health will mean the issue will become more normalised.

Despite advising me to keep my eating disorder from my friends, my psychologist did help guide me towards a positive way of thinking.  She asked me to reflect on how my friends would respond to some of the negative ways I perceived myself.  What would my friends say if I told them I thought I was ugly? Or worthless? Or unlovable?

“I never gave them the chance to help me and in doing so, I had to tackle my problems without them.”

I realised I never gave my friends the chance to answer these questions because I didn’t tell them what I was going through. I never gave them the chance to help me and in doing so, I had to tackle my problems without them.

I’ve also realised the importance of checking in with the people I love. Often it only takes the act of asking, “Are you OK?” When people take the time to show they care, it’s easier to share how you feel. R U OK Day is the perfect opportunity to start a conversation.

I often wonder what my recovery would have been like if I’d told my friends what I was feeling. Since telling them, I’m now aware of the support network I do have and could have had all along.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, contact The Butterfly Foundation. 

You can also contact beyondblue on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.